2 minggu terakhir ini gue bagaikan anak itik yang ditinggalkan induknya untuk mencari nafkah ke berbagai pulau.. gue jadi ogah2an ngantor dan ogah2an pula buat pulang kantor.. dan yang biasanya gue sering lewat gang damai, kini gue selalu lewat samping gundar..

yah karena fenomena ini juga, gue jadi selalu bertemu sama yang namanya pengemis2 di pinggir jalan.. dari 10 tahun yang lalu semenjak gue diajak main sama tetangga gue ke UI, sampe sekarang tahun 2009, kayanya pengemis2 tersebut masih sama aja.. hebatnya mereka tak tampak menua.. padahal lingkar pinggang gue aja udah bertambah puluhan senti..

perbedaannya hanyalah, dulu hanya ada satu pengemis di ujung jalan yang sepertinya punya jadwal bergiliran dengan yang ada di kober, kini setiap kali gue lewat jalan tersebut, ada minimal 3 pengemis yang duduk disana.. sepertinya demand terhadap pengemis ini cukup besar sehingga makin banyak aja yang mengajukan aplikasi lamaran pekerjaan untuk menjadi pengemis..

ngeliat ini, sebenernya hati gue miris.. dulu gue juga salah satu orang yang menaikkan demand pengemis tersebut.. salah seorang yang pernah terenyuh melihat baju mereka yang compang camping, terguyur hujan, ataupun kepanasan.. tapi semenjak gue lihat salah seorang diantara mereka merokok ketika mengemis, well.. hilang sudah rasa simpati gue..

apalagi kini makin banyak anak2 sepanjang jalan yang meminta2.. mereka minta ke setiap orang lewat dengan gampangnya.. "mbak, minta uang dong.. belum makan nih".. dan banyak pula yang memberi mereka lembaran biru sebagai rasa simpati untuk mereka membeli makan.. tapi ada pula orang2 seperti gue yang hanya tersenyum lalu mendapatkan dampratan dari mereka berupa cacian "dasar pelit!".. gue hanya bisa menggelengkan kepala.. mau jadi apa mereka kelak?

sungguh salah.. memberi pengemis ini uang justru kita bukan membantu mereka.. kita sedang menzolimi mereka.. mengajarkan mereka kepada keburukan.. kasihan anak2 kecil itu.. dari kecil mereka dididik untuk meminta.. mereka jadi malas belajar.. malas sekolah.. padahal uang hasil mengemis itu belum tentu dipakai untuk sekolah.. beberapa pengemis2 cilik yang gue ingat, justru menghabiskan uang mereka untuk merokok di tengah jalan.. atau pernah juga gue lihat mereka keluar dari rental PS..

pengemis2 cilik ini dididik oleh kita, yang pada awalnya berniat tulus hendak membantu, bahwa mereka tak perlu belajar dan sekolah tinggi untuk mendapatkan uang.. cukup menadah, voila! lembaran biru masuk ke kantong baju, lumayan buat beli rokok 1 batang.. kalau gak dikasih uang, teriakin aja mereka pelit! biar mereka tau rasa, masa minta duit dikit aja gak dikasih! dasar pelit!

bukan.. gue bukan mengajarkan kita buat pelit.. buat gak berbagi dengan sesama.. tapi bukankah banyak cara lain yang lebih baik untuk membantu orang yang membutuhkan.. percaya deh.. anak2 yang keliaran di jalanan itu, bukan anak2 yang patut untuk diberi uang.. jika kita memberi mereka uang, makin banyak lah mereka berkeliaran.. bukannya diam dirumah membantu ibu dan belajar buat keesokan hari.. apa itu yang kita mau?

pengen menyisihkan uang buat anak yang tidak mampu? masih banyak solusi lain yang lebih baik.. panti asuhan.. anak2 tetangga yang tidak mampu dan bapaknya sudah tiada.. itu jauh lebih baik daripada memberikan lembaran biru ke pengemis2 cilik.. panti asuhan membutuhkan dana untuk menyekolahkan anak2 yatim piatu yang beritikad baik.. yang ingin meneruskan sekolah.. yang ingin menjadi pintar.. anak2 tetangga itu pun ingin sekolah.. tapi tidak ada dana.. ayah tidak ada.. ibu hanya buruh cuci.. bukankah mereka jauh lebih membutuhkan uang?

ya, seharusnya memang kalau mau membantu orang ya bantu aja.. jangan pilih2.. dan apapun yang mereka lakukan dengan uang itu, serahkanlah semua ke Tuhan YME.. yang penting niat kita baik hendak membantu.. tapi seenggak2nya, jadilah smart-giver yang bisa memilih, bantuan mana yang membawa kebaikan, dan bantuan mana yang membawa keburukan..

gue rasa, kita semua tau jawabannya..

the very first test that i did after quite a long time (since Jan 08 when i applied for job here) sadly didn't end up very well. i got my hope up high and i couldn't even think of the reason why they wouldn't let me in. i think my answer is quite satisfying and the only one question that i can't answer is, "who is our deputy of research and community service department?". in my defense, i can't even remember his name because that department is never involved with the system that i maintain.

but they wont let me in. end of the story.

then i realize, i just woke up from another nightmare. hey you! why did you think you deserve all this, huh? you serve them all the best you can, while that particular bitch always stand in your way. you got your job done, while she screwed your result before turning it in to your boss! and what did you got? your boss telling you that you're slow because the bitch said so? while the fact is you always got your job done but she never updating her job so it makes you went to square one again and again and again?

god, i hate her so.

here i am now, try to collect all of my broken heart. this wont change until you show them what you got. so i got plans ahead for my future.

Continuing My Study

this is the best plan for my next step. i never think about this one until my prince charming said that he will help me financially, by loan of course, if i didn't get the help from the place i've been working for the last 2 years. without a raise. even without a contract since feb 09. i know i can sue them for this. but, whatever i'm not the only one here with that problem.

so get back to the first plan. i'd like to continue my study in MTI Salemba, but the fee is too expensive. if i can get the help (i only pay 30% of the fee if i sign the contract that i will serve 2.5x each years that i being help financially by them) i will take this. i don't care if i have to take the train. i don't care if i have to face that kind of brutality every day to go there.

that, if they care to help me. but if they don't, which is i will be helped by a soft loan from my hunbun, i have to find another cheaper course. actually i'm interested in psychology too, but unfortunately again, the fee is even more expensive than MTI.

this is the list of magister that i might apply (that cheaper than MTI)
- Teknik Industri
- Hubungan Internasional

i have to choose the lesser of two evil. even those two is not related to computer science at all. hiks. do i really have to do this?

Getting Another (better-red.) Job

this last 2 years, i admit that i don't have any intention to find another job. this job pays me well (yeah for the fresh grad) at first and the environment is sooo good. the boss is so nice. and the team are so fun.

until the coming of the higher (new) boss. well, the boss himself is nice, but the bitch isn't. our team never really like her and always make joke out of her (well my team always make jokes out of everything, that's how we survived here). we're all like IT Crowd's with full team. you know, with roy, moss, jen, and richmond. we're all so alike

yeah, this decent environment is what holds me up for this 2 years. no raise, whatever. bitch there, yea who cares. but this rejection thing? that means i have to get out of there as soon as possible. period.

so. that's it. let's hunt for a better job honey..

anyway, this place i've worked here is closing any recruitment for at least the next year. i think it's a bad idea. considering we're out of resource nowadays, moreover since the recent resignation by 3 of our colleagues, that makes it even worse. this will end up badly if they didn't recruit other people by the end of this year. at least for my team. cause we're kinda looking harder for another job. haha. take that bitch!

and now here's the time for some religious point of view.. this post is dedicated to those i barely tried so hard to trust any of their words..

in my childhood, the very first thing that my mom taught to me is never betray any of her trust. that means, if you want to lie, please do it nice and good and try not to ever, even once, being caught telling her a lie..

lies here, not only saying something that's not true. it also keeping your promise no matter how hard it is. if you think you can't keep the promise, better not making those at all. grown up in such environment makes me a person like i am now. i always try my best to keep my promise, and i expect others do too. and that's a mistake. i always got disappointed by a broken promise.

anyway, lately i also find some way to enlighten my soul *ahuehauheuahuehuae, bahasanya.. hoeekk *. searching some good and religious views is one of them. so here it is, i'm trying to composing one myself.

keeping the promise if one of the noble morality in Islam. The holy qur'an itself stating that whoever keeping his own promise is a pious person and Allah will love them.

Yea, whoever fulfils his promise and keeps his duty — then Allah surely loves the dutiful

Allah hates hypocrites, that's what Rasulullah SAW says

أَرْبَعٌ مَنْ كُنَّ فِيْهِ كَانَ مُنَافِقًا خَالِصًا وَمَنْ كَانَتْ فِيْهِ خَصْلَةٌ مِنْهُنَّ كَانَتْ فِيْهِ خَصْلَةٌ مِنَ النِّفَاقِ حَتَّى يَدَعَهَا إِذَا ائْتُمِنَ خَانَ وَإِذَا حَدَّثَ كَذَبَ وَإِذَا عَاهَدَ غَدَرَ وَإِذَا خَاصَمَ فَجَرَ

There are 4 cases, anyone whose in this cases are truly hypocrites. Those who reveals one of this signs. Given a trust, they betray it (a traitor). Told things, they lied about it (an impostor), Made promise, they broke it. Being in an argument, they cheat out of it (a cheater)

i believe people will change for a better sake. it's not too late to start sticking into your promises. i believe promises stays when the promise-maker still alive. after life, Allah will surely ask whether or not you keep your promises.

And draw not nigh to the orphan’s property, except in a goodly way, till he attains his maturity. And fulfil the promise; surely, the promise will be enquired into

Well, i guess that's all that i can say. be a better person each and every day. everything happens for a reason. just move on. be a grown up. and start the whole new you. a better you.

Amin!

you find out that some thing isn't that worth fighting, how long can you keep stand still?

Love Sucks
by: The Bearrings

Just a feeling that I couldn't let go
This thing I have is absolutely for sure
That I couldn't help but thinking
You're the one I'm longing for

Each day passes like seconds
Each and every day you'll come closer to me
Only to find out that you're just
Find me for the safe and go

Hoooo.. love sucks and it always does
Hurting you because you cared for it
Love sucks you have to let it go
Cause it never be yours
Not today, not tomorrow

She flirts, she teases any boy behind your back
And all you can do is hold your breath
Hoping it's only bad timing you've showed
No no no no.. It will never happened

Hoooo.. love sucks and it always does
Hurting you because you cared for it
Love sucks you have to let it go
Cause it never be yours
Not today, not tomorrow

Why do I have to stand still
For this love that ain't going to be real?
Why do I have to fighting
When all you got now is a daydream

It's just a crazy night that I can't sleep tight..

The first thing that i recognize about this film is the main actor and actress, Katherine Heighl (Isobel Stevens - Grey's Anatomy) and Gerard Butler (Gerry, the late husband - P.S. I Love You). Their acting is very cute here, even though the plot is very much guessable *i don't even know whether guessable is a real word or not *

in lie to me, my favorite character is this one cool chick that called "one of the naturals" by dr. lightman. she can detect human's expression naturally just by the look on the face.. it's god's gift that's what he said, but unfortunately she gained that gift not by nature. she's gone through a lot of beating by his father in her early childhood.

this chick, called Ria Torres, is investigating a murder of one man that is found dead. no witnesses, just a dead body. Edward Dante's body. everyone suspected has their own alibis. the only thing that they know about anyone who might hold a grudge on the victim is he wanted to quit his job as a DJ with his partner, Little Sid. After that, he wanted to work with Little Sid's rival, Caden.

And with that slight clue, and a bunch of random videos that they can found about Dante, they come up with this picture..


Dante is the one in the middle, and the others are random men. The interesting part of the scene is this conversation:

Eli : Which group does Dante look like, the men on the left or the men on the right?
Ria : Um... The men on the left?
Eli : Oh, you have a sixth sense. By that, I mean you see gay people.
Ria : You think Dante's gay?
Eli : Yeah, and so do you. All the men on the left are gay.
A new study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology
showed that most people can identify gay men by face alone.
It has to do with the pattern of muscle tension in the face.

And there they go.. they found a lead. cool, huh? well, the rest of the stories, you can watch it yourself lah..

anyway, i can't stop but thinking, yeah rite.. the men on the left is so much alike Mark Feehily from Westlife or the late Stephen Gately from Boyzone or Zachary Quinto from Heroes who played Sylar.. Mark and Stephen are gays.. anyway, is Sylar really gay??!! google said he might be.. omaigat.. why almost every celebrities i fond of always speculated gay and turned out to be true later?

Masih ingat dengan postingan yang lalu tentang betenya gue dengan alfamart psikologi?

Kini sekarang udah ada undang2 yang nyatain bahwa hal kaya gitu udah dilarang oleh Departemen Perdagangan jadi para peritel itu gak seenak jidat maksa konsumennya buat "beli" permen mereka. Kalo memang mereka mau untuk menjadikan permen sebagai alat pembayaran, harusnya mereka juga mau dong kalo pembelinya membayar belanjaan mereka dengan permen. Kalo alasan mereka menolak dibayar dengan permen itu karena rugi, mereka seharusnya tau lebih baik dong untuk tidak merugikan konsumen dengan menggunakan permen sebagai uang kembalian. Gak adil itu namanya.

Gue salut ama Giant yang mengkampanyekan uang kembalian receh untuk disumbangkan. Gue kasih 4 jempol deh buat idenya mereka. Mbok ya coba ritel2 yang lain meniru hal tersebut. Jangan niru korup pake permen. Yang baik ya ditiru, yang buruk ya jangan ditiru. Abis mau gimana lagi dong, yang baik kan gak nguntungin, yang buruk justru yang bikin untung! Susah emang kalo mental-nya udeh kayak gini..

Yang bisa gue lakukan saat ini adalah mengkampanyekan hal ini seluas2nya. Kalo hanya sepuluh orang yang berontak, mungkin peritel itu gak akan terlalu merasakan akibatnya. Kalo dari sepuluh orang itu berhasil mengajak sepuluh lagi yang juga kembali mengajak sepuluh dan akan mengajak sepuluh lagi seterusnya, bisa jadi kita bisa mengubah dunia peritelan yang udah mulai korupsi kecil2an ini.

Ayo jangan mau kalah, gak cuma KPK doang yang bisa memberantas korupsi!

ps: sekarang gue ngeprint dan naro hasil cetakannya di dompet gue.. biarin kalo gue belanja di alfamart lagi dikasi permen, mau gue semprot lagi penjaganya

sekaligus mempromosikan pelem serial yang kini gue tonton menggantikan criminal minds yang sudah gue habiskan sampe season 5 episode 4.. let me introduce you to LIE TO ME! another FBI-related things to solve unique cases..

the lead in this serial is Dr. Lightman who has been researching on a microexpression in someone's face.. by taking attention to someone's talking, he can see whether the person conceal any expression that they feel.. in his opinion, whether the talking is true or untrue, the facial expression will never lied.. it will show your truly feelings, whether it's anger, surprise, contempt, fear, agony, you name it.. he can detect them all..

this serial is fun to watch.. for me, there's always the big and long "oooooo.." everytime he detects the person's expression.. the sad part in this movie so far is, he can detect his daughter's lie.. his bestfriend and his bestfriend's husband.. he knows their biggest secret, but he can't tell because he doesn't wanna lose them..

his bestfriend for example, Dr. Foster, is been cheated by her husband for such a long time.. he knows that she already knew it but chose to live a lie.. maybe she doesn't want to lose her husband or whatever.. he always caught her husband's lie but prefer to do nothing about it, since she also want to remain silent about the cheating and all..

it makes me think, if i'm in her situation.. i might need my friends to tell me about it.. to slap me in the face.. to help me wakin up from this fake heaven.. rather than having a dream about the sweet relationship that is never going to happened..

a partner that do you more worried than relieved.. a partner that once cheated you.. a partner that deep down inside you know they're lying but you can't bear to accept it.. a partner that lives a lie with you..

you might don't wanna wakin up from your dream.. if there are hundreds of reason why you should leave them, you always finds thousands to not to.. you love them, you couldn't find someone better, you think they're the love of your life, you think you already find the one and if the one is not perfect then why don't you accept them the way they are, you're being in the relationship too long so you couldn't imagine living without them, or maybe you already did something bad with them so you can't just let them go..

we're all supposed to be happy in our relationship.. that's why sometimes we need friends to tell us the truth.. cause they're the only one who can see it clearly while you're being blinded by love and such..

well, i don't know.. maybe i should just stop this toughts and stop watching this kind of movies..

terkadang kalo gue ngerasa bosen.. atau lagi ditengah2 pekerjaan terakhir yang numpuk di meja, gue suka iseng2 ngebrowsing profile2 orang di sipeg. mostly dosen sih yang gue liat2.. kadang2 gue tertarik kalo foto profilenya menarik (bisa karena dia lagi gendong anak yang lucu.. atau bisa juga karena potonya keliatan ganteng )

terkadang gue juga iseng ngeliat kalo datanya rapi banget, atau isinya keren, gue suka lihat2 siapa anggota keluarganya.. entah istrinya.. entah suaminya.. atau mungkin anak2nya.. trus dari situ gue suka googling nama2 mereka.. entah kenapa gue selalu nemuin fakta bahwa pasangan hidup atau anak mereka ternyata eksis juga di internet dan mempunyai hidup yang cukup keren..

misalnya, minggu kemaren gue ngeliat data dosen dari fakultas yang pengen gue masukin kalo kelak gue sanggup ngelanjutin S2 amiin.. dia ternyata punya anak seumuran gue.. dengan bantuan om gugel, gue mengetahui bahwa si anak ini selain merupakan calon notaris dari kampus yang sama dengan gue, dia juga seorang aktivis lingkungan hidup yang cukup aktif dan gak omdo.. aktivis lingkungan hidup bukan berarti dengan cara menodong orang2 di depan toko buku.. tapi bener2 aktivis yang selalu ikutan aksi2 menanam seribu pohon, dengan jerih payahnya sendiri.. KEREN!

atau misalnya tadi gue abis gugel juga seorang cowo angkatan 2002 yang kini sudah menjadi dosen dan sedang mengambil kuliah doktor di bidang ilmu yang menurut gue amat sangat keren di korea.. punya banyak sekali publikasi.. dan juga sangat concern dengan lingkungannya.. gak cuma itu, ternyata dia juga udah menikah dan punya anak yang sudah berumur 1 tahun sekarang.. and yes, he's good looking.. aheuhauheuhaue.. iri aku sama istrinya

bosen gugling orang laen, akhirnya gue gugling diri gue sendiri.. and guess what have i found?

this blog
my student project document
facebook
true friend test
keluh kesah di kompas

semua hasil gugelan itu end up di satu kesimpulan.. what have i proudly done till today?

ya ampun.. gue pengen deh jadi orang yang bisa dikategorikan sebagai orang yang berguna kalo suatu saat ada orang yang ngegugel nama gue di internet

Both.

This past week, I consume lots of this series. The whole first season, 23 episodes in 4 nights. Not bad. This series makes you think like a criminal. I like the quotes. I like the story. And the best thing here is, NO Drama. At all. It's just murder cases, victimologies, the why-how guessing, and the motives behind each case.

Statistically, the women always be the victim and the men always be the murderer. The place of murder happened mostly in a quiet area when the victim is alone. This teach me one thing. Never walk alone even in a bright sunny day cause there's nobody you can ask for help if anything goes wrong. The other favorite place for the murder is the victim's house. Not locking the door, not locking the windows, or even letting in some stranger to the house can cause a bloody case.

Do not trust anyone that much. Even a neighbor that u knew your whole life. Better safe than sorry. Always lock the door and keep the windows shut. If something feels wrong, do not try to find what's wrong. Better go out and ask for some help.

Murderer not only targeted specific victims. Sometimes a wrong person in a wrong place and in a wrong time can be their target also. So even you think that you already did all the above things that i mentioned before, it doesn't mean you're safe from a murderer.

The last precaution is, PRAY.. whenever, wherever, if the death has to come, it'll come. No matter how cautious you are. No matter how prepared you are.

And one last thing to remember so you wont feel sorry for the rest of your life. Never put away your quarrel with others. Finish it and don't walk away with an unfinished business. Don't let the very last word that you said to someone you care is the bad words that you will regret for the rest of your life. So if you think you have something to say to the one you cared, better say it now. Because they might not be here tomorrow. You might not too.