Pensieve of CynChan

old town with the oldies

2012-01-22T04:08:00.000+07:00

it's been so long yah since we took a stupid trip together. this time, old town is our destination.

old town is located near my home in north Jakarta. i don't know how and when, it became a night market full of young ababils, including us *yeah we're still young, aren't we?* ah, i missed the time when we're just starting the engine, turning on the google maps and going anywhere the wheels take us.. no plan, no hesitation, just us and the night..

capek!

2012-01-19T07:13:00.002+07:00

tau gak sih rasanya capek?

badan capek gak keruan. ditambah keadaan cuaca yang lagi sama labilnya dengan perasaan gua akhir2 ini #eaaa. siang panas menyengat, sore sampe malem keujanan dan basah kuyup *tapi seneng*. pagi2 ujan angin plus ac commuter line tanah abang jam 5.30 yang ga bersahabat dengan perut yang terus2an masuk angin. akh. pengen gak masuk tapi kok ya rasanya gak keren kalo gak masuk. alhasil asam laktatnya makin lama makin numpuk dan bikin badan makin gak keruan..

tau gak sih rasanya capek?

kondisi kantor lagi gak asik. semua orang lagi banyak beban pikiran gara2 kerjaan yang gak kelar2 dan makin menumpuk karena banyak yang resign. keluhan benefit yang berkurang justru membuat orang2 lebih banyak lagi yang resign. gara2 tambah banyak yang resign, otomatis bikin kerjaan orang2 yang masih bertahan di kantor semakin banyak lagi. semakin banyak komplain, semakin capek gua mikirinnya..

tau gak sih rasanya capek?

gak cuma capek badan, capek kerjaan, tapi juga capek ngeliatin lo! mondar mandir aja di pikiran gua kayak setrikaan yang colokan listriknya rusak. kadang panas, kadang dingin. maunya apa sih lo? capek deh..

being good is hard..

2012-01-13T00:01:00.001+07:00

when someone's making fun at you, it's hard to resist the temptation to turn back the situation when you have the ability to do so.

when someone disappoints you, it's hard to still put a smile on your face and pretend that everything's okay.

when someone's mad at you for things that's not your fault, it's hard to bow down and take the blame for yourself.

when someone tells you poop about someone you didn't like either, it's hard not to badmouthed her and try to see things differently from other side.

when you had someone's secret on your hand, it's hard not to put that secret for a good "use".

when everyone around you went crazy over stupid little thing, it's hard to keep focused on something important and try to get them back on track again.

i can't be myself lately. i'm trying not to be my old self anymore. i don't want to be that person again. if i'm being me, i'll embarrass them more than they can embarrass me. if i'm being me, i'll tell anyone i knew how i felt about her and what a peep she was to me. if i'm being me, i'll defend myself even though i know it'll make situation worse for everyone but at least it will be better for me. if i'm being me, i'll make that secret for a good use, and of course for my advantages. if i'm being me, i'll go crazy with them too, regardless it will hurt somebody or not in the process.

i considered myself as a bad bad person. a bad friend. a bad partner. a parasite. but not anymore my dear friend. i want to be good. i'd die trying to be good. it's hard, it's depressing, it's exhausting, but i still can take it so far lah. what a crazy weekend. my head is over heels and i'm still trying to be a good person. bah, i'd die trying to be a good person.. i hope i still have the strength to do this for the rest of my life. amin!

*galau tengah malem pakek modem aha ditemani lagu2 the script*

It's Juma'ah FTW!

2012-01-09T06:58:00.002+07:00

when everyone's bullying Rebecca Black for her video, this one is making the good of her song. nice one!

Raef Black - It's Juma'ah

5AM, waking up for Fajr

Got to make wudu', got to pray my sunnah,

Got to make ghusl, got to clip my nails,

Looking outside, the sun is rising up in the sky,

Everybody's rushing

Got to get down to the masjid,

Got to say "Salam!" to the Imam,

Sitting in the first Saff (row), chilling in the back Saff (row),

Got to make my mind up..Do what the prophet did.

It's Jumaah! Jumaah!

Got to make dhikr on Jumaah,

Everybody's looking forward to his mercy, mercy.

Jumaah! Jumaah!

Got to make Dhikr on Jumaah,

Everybody's looking forward to the Ajr.

miswaking, miswaking! Yeah,

miswaking, miswaking! Wow,

pray, pray, pray, pray,

Got to read surat Al-Kahf.

12.45 the Imam's in the mimbar,

Talking about something like "Fiqh Az-Zakat"

They're whispering, chatting from the crowd,

Don't they know that its haram.

I stand up, you stand up, prayer's about to start "Qad qaamat as-salaah",

foot to foot! shoulder to shoulder! Just don't step on me.

Sitting in the first Saff(row), chilling in the back Saff(row),

Got to make my mind up.. Do what the prophet did.

It's Jumaah! Jumaah!

Got to make dhikr on Jumaah,

Everybody's looking forward to his mercy, mercy.

Jumaah! Jumaah!

Got to make Dhikr on Jumaah,

Everybody's looking forward to the Ajr.

miswaking, miswaking! Yeah,

miswaking, miswaking! Wow,

pray, pray, pray, pray,

Got to read surat Al-Kahf.

It's Jumaah! Jumaah!

Got to make dhikr on Jumaah,

Everybody's looking forward to his mercy, mercy.

welcoming new year..

2012-01-01T12:22:00.000+07:00

actually i want to post this a month ago, but i always forgot to do so.

i have resolutions that i made at that time. in reality it's very hard to commit to them, especially when you are hanging out with your close friends. i always had an urgent needs to strap my uneducated mouth.

maybe everyone set the bar so high for what they want this year, but i just made one simple rule for myself. i only want to be a better person. for me, for families, for people i love, for everyone. to do so means less talking about people, less swearing, less negative thoughts. more praying, more saving, more smile. i don't need to be anyone but me, i just need to upgrade myself into a better version.

last year is the best year for me, financially :D alhamdulillah yah, no debt left, made a good property investment, and still have savings, yay! it's also the best year for me in terms of friendship. i made a couple of new besties, from work and from college too. i became less and less person i was a year before. i finally forgot how to fake a smile, and even though there's a thing or two that made me faking a smile for a week or so, in the end i learn to accept it the way it is :)

in terms of love, well, still a failure xD made some decisions that leads to disappointments. and for now, i'm taking a quite big risk about my future. still, i hope it will turn out good for everyone. this year is the very first time in my life i pray about someone during my praying. like what my girlfriends said to me, ask God then he shall answer your question. i did, and amazingly i also got the answer right away.

although it's not really that great, i'm lucky to pass this year with a proud smile knowing i already did my best. i'm not afraid to choose what i really want to do. and i'm lucky to have those who surrounded me with love and care even though sometimes i did things i'm not proud of.

overall, i survive this new year with a smile upon my face. well done, dear.. well done..

cinta itu, b...

2011-12-24T00:26:00.002+07:00

bego! ah, marilah kita menggalau dulu hari ini.. turn the music on, set mode: repeat current song.

Michael Bolton - Said I Love You But I Lied.mp3

if happened in the wrong time, or for a wrong person.. love can be stupidly destructive. you know you can't have it. you know that there's no future in it. you know it can badly effect the rest of your life. but still, you'll stand by it, living by it and being blinded by it.

if i can choose, i'd rather not have this strange feeling. i kept saying stupid things like the reason why i want him and i don't want nobody but him. but the truth is, i really can't figure out why i like him this bad. despite all of the reasons why i shouldn't, my heart keeps on popping seeing him busy from a far. i'll smile every time i saw him so peacefully sleeping. and afterwards when reality strikes, that smile turns into a frown. damn you truth! i don't know whether i should be grateful or not finding you this early.

maybe this is why she wants to marry a jerk like him. love makes you stupid. love makes you did many illogical things. maybe this is why he choose to stand by her side even though he knew she's a big fat liar. maybe this is why they're so persistent living a very bad relationship. because love is so stupid, and i still want nobody but you!

happy monday everyone :)

2011-12-19T07:27:00.002+07:00

Pagi ini cuaca cukup cerah sepanjang perjalanan. Busway yang lama ditunggu akhirnya datang juga dan membawa anak2 manusia menuju tempat kerjanya. Radio pagi ini memutarkan lagu Panah Asmara dari kk Afgan, sementara saya ikutan bersenandung karena lagu ini punya arti sepesial buat saya (haha!)

Lagi asyik masyuk mendengarkan lagu nostalgila itu, tiba2 partner perjalanan saya terkikik2 di samping. Usut punya usut ternyata lagu ini justru mengingatkan doi akan salah satu acara di trans tipi yang namanya The Hits. Bah, asem.. lagu nostalgila sayah ternyata diparodikan! Tak terima! *halah*

Penasaran, akhirnya sesampai saya di kantor, saya ngubek2 youtube. Aseli, ni yang bikin semua parodi keren abis. Jadi rela deh lagu2 nostalgila saya dirusak sama mereka xD Happy monday everyone, enjoy the rest of your day, you know i will..... :)

Afgan - Panah Asmara

Rihanna - Umbrella

Agnes Monica - Karena Ku Sanggup

BCL - Karena Ku Cinta Kau

Vidi Aldiano - Gadis Genit

being a tester..

2011-12-08T17:28:00.001+07:00

i never like being tested, nor testing anyone. on my opinion, being a tester requires a cold steel heart that has the ability to fool anyone. i can't even do a decent poker face, much less pretending to be in a condition that i'm not.

it's not that i never lied. i know i will lie if i have to, as long as i didn't take advantages from someone that i care. but making up unimportant condition and pretending to be in the middle of something that i'm not feels so ridiculous and useless. what's the point? trying to prove or make a justification towards some foolish statements? argh. why would anyone want to fake something just to test a person that he/she likes?? whyyyy???

if i like someone, i will like him the way he is. i will adore his stupid joke and i will blindly forgive every single flaw that he had. i will ~~tell~~ show him exactly how i felt about him because that's who i am. i'm like an open book. my feelings are all written on my face.

you have to test someone that you like in order to see the compatibility between the two of you..

that's what my friend said. nonsense, i snapped back at him. why would you want to ruin something that is great for both of you. why don't you just wait and see for problem to came up instead of making that problem your own self? everything has their own time. if she's not the one for you, let time shows it. instead of testing her, why don't you just go with it, see if there's any problem coming and trying to solve it together?

i may be a failure in love, but i surely do have my own value about it.

but.......

stupid me. because of the conversation i had yesterday, i can't resist the temptation to do one stupid test this morning. and when he failed. my day feels like hell.

so? what's the advantages of testing someone? you'll feel sad if he fails. you'll feel stupid if he passes.

kepo tingkat tinggi

2011-11-27T13:42:00.001+07:00

menurut definisi gua, wiken yang sempurna adalah wiken dimana gua bisa melakukan hal yang PENGEN gua lakukan, bukan yang HARUS gua lakukan.. so yap, wiken kali ini adalah salah satu wiken sempurna buat gua xD

apa yang sempurna dari wiken kali ini?

gua bisa melakukan background check (baca: cyber-stalking) pada orang2 yang lagi bikin gua penasaran :P

kadang ketika lo bertemu dengan orang2 baru, lo bisa ngobrol ketawa ketiwi tentang banyak hal ke mereka. lo bisa seru2an main ini itu dengan orang tersebut, tapi ada beberapa hal yang sebenernya bikin lo kepo dan pengen lo ketahuin tentang mereka.. sayangnya hal2 tersebut tidak pantas buat ditanyakan kalo lo bener2 baru kenal sama orang ini..

nah disinilah peran penting dari kehadiran mbah gugel di dunia ini x)
biasanya mbah gugel gak pernah mengecewakan gua.. tapiiiii.. kali ini.. gua kecewa..

semakin gua gak bisa nemu ni orang, semakin lah gatel banget rasa penasaran gua akan orang ini.. sampe gua dengan niatnya mencoba berbagai macam keyword yang harusnya related ke orang ini, tapi tetep aja gua gak nemu. dem! aseli, yang ada gua makin kepo abis..

hadooohh.. gimana ya ini caranya *garuk2*

just let go, dexter!

2011-11-27T00:07:00.001+07:00

First scene - Brother Sam finally conscious after being shot by Nick. Dexter knows it and he wants to take revenge.

Dexter: Sam. I'm here. Don't worry. I know it was Nick who shot you. I'm gonna make sure he pays.

Brother Sam: No. Don't do that.

Dexter: I don't understand.

Brother Sam: I want you to... to give Nick a message for me.

Dexter:Yes.

Brother Sam:Tell him that I forgive him.

Dexter:What?

Brother Sam:You're the only one that I trust to do it. I didn't tell anybody. The boys from the shop... they wouldn't... they... they're not ready.

Dexter:You're wrong, I can't do this.

Brother Sam:You can.

Dexter:You don't know me.

Brother Sam:Yes, I do. I know about your darkness. I also see your light.

Dexter:If there's light in me, I don't feel it. I just wanna hurt Nick. You don't know how much I wanna hurt him.

Brother Sam:You need to forgive him.

Dexter:I don't know how.

Brother Sam:Just let it go. Can't live with the hate in your heart. Eat you up inside. We gotta find some peace in life.

Dexter:Nick doesn't deserve it.

Brother Sam:It ain't about him. Dexter, if you don't let that darkness go... it won't let go of you. Let it go. Let it go. For you.

Second scene - Brother Sam died. Dexter finds Nick outside the hospital. He wants to confront him.

Dexter:Don't you recognize this place?

Nick: It's a beach.

Dexter:It's the beach where you were baptized.

Nick:So?

Dexter:So I thought it would be a good place... for you to explain yourself.

Nick:What are you talking about?

Dexter:Brother Sam regained consciousness. I know you shot him, Nick.

Nick:You gonna arrest me?

Dexter:I keep telling you I'm not a cop.

Nick:What do you want?

Dexter:I want to know why. Why'd you do it?

Nick:I don't know.

Dexter:You don't know? You don't know why you put three bullets in a man... who only wanted to help you? Who believed in you? Who sacrificed for you? A man who gave you a home? A man who baptized you?

Nick:Because he's full of shit! He gave me hope. But nothing changed. My life was shit before he dunked me under those waves... and it's still shit. He lied to me. My homies never did that.

Dexter:So you went back to them.

Nick:They wouldn't take me. Not unless I proved myself.

Dexter:Brother Sam loved you, Nick.

Nick:Then why'd he rat me out to you?

Dexter:He didn't. He sent me to forgive you. Brother Sam forgives you... for gunning him down like a dog. Your life might not have changed... but his did.

Nick:Hey, look, I've gotta talk to him, all right? We can work this out. I can't go back to jail.

Dexter:He's dead.

Nick: What?

Dexter:He died about an hour ago... which makes you a murderer. Turn yourself in to the police. They'll find you anyway.

At this moment, I really think that it's gonna be a happy ending. Finally Dexter can do what his best friend ask him to do as his last wish. Well, actually he's pushing himself to the limit by not doing anything to hurt Nick, but Nick's response surprised me.......

Nick: No, they won't. The only witness is dead. There ain't nothing on that disc. It's my word against yours. They got no proof. Nobody can do anything! I can't believe this worked out, man..

And yeah, sweet sweet ending for me because Dexter will always be Dexter. We all know what's gonna happened after that :)

highlight of the day

2011-11-26T23:26:00.001+07:00

life's like a wheel. there's an up and down to everything, including my own boring life.

remember.. for every valley that you have to walk through on your way down, there will be a hill that you have to climb on your way up. and in the middle of that, you will experience something that you never done before.

don't forget to enjoy the view while you're on the track :)

hujan..

2011-11-21T16:43:00.001+07:00

a friend said,

rain won't pour evenly in every place.. it will be raining in the most needed place..

okay, if he read that statement above, i bet he will shout another protest against me. pardon the limited brain of mine, that's just how i remember something. i'm just gonna relate the phrase to my life and see what's the connection between them. in this case, those words quite resemble what is happened recently xD

i need a camera.. so bad. the budget is very tight so i can't afford to have another expenses to buy one. why suddenly i need a camera? because surprisingly i traveled quite a lot this past few months. and every time i did, i kinda giving a friend some trouble along the way. so, i gotta buy a camera! but.....

nangadong hepeng!

the extra money i thought i'll get always 'disappeared'. there's always another needs, so the urge to buy a camera is becoming less.. and less.. until finally.....

the rain bring me a camera!

after soaking wet playing angklung in front of several hundred people, they're calling out my name again. this time for a digital camera! alhamdulillah yah :)

dream big

2011-11-18T23:00:00.001+07:00

new linkedin notification has come in to my inbox. some friends got accepted in a better place. some made their way to the top. some had another new title following their name. pfhuh, seems that this world moving so fast, and again, i'm feeling left behind :'(

take a peek at facebook timeline. some finally had the experience of giving life to another human being. some got a new ring. some starting their own business line. and then i look to myself. what have i done so far with life?

i've been thinking about death one too many before. like how fun it would be leaving all this behind. i still think about it the same way, but now maybe with a bit of positive thought inside like i'm not gonna regret what i haven't done because i know i tried my best to live my life to the fullest. not just filling in someone shoes or tried to please anyone without considering my needs. i have needs, and so far i feel that i fulfilled them - even though some of you thought the other way around :P - but hey, it's about me right? it's about how i felt, hell with what others feel i felt xD

a couple of years before, i dream my life in a less complicated way. i want to have a house near my current job so i can be near my dear child every time i want. a small but clean house in a suburb is more than enough for me. i pictured that scene so perfectly in my mind, well at least until it got shattered and flushed out :D

today, i saw a woman in the train knitting happily. i find peace in her look. i find contentment and suddenly i have a perfectly clear dream about what i should do..

“Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.”

so i guess i'm gonna live another day, so i can just dream bigger dream than yesterday :)

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

quote!

2011-11-06T08:29:00.004+07:00

maybe it's not blood bonds that make us a family,
perhaps it's the people who know our secrets
and love us anyway,
so we can finally be ourselves.

you know you love me..
X.O.X.O.

back to the root of all xD

2011-11-02T23:21:00.003+07:00

this week i finally got the chance to set my feet on my homeland, yay! i can't stop smiling on the plane, seeing my beloved hometown from above ~^-^ thank god my seat-mate is asleep so i can freely grinning like crazy.. hahaha..

i spent the first day mostly on the road, and well yeah.. EATING xD this lovely roommate of mine is a food digger so i can guarantee that i will at least gain another 2 kilos after this trip -_- we finally arrived at muara badak camp at 9 pm, had another food festive at the mess hall, visited the ICT dept and going around the camp. plus i forgot my esia phone on the car, so i kinda make everyone busy that night searching my phone, hehehe..

with my roommate in front of ICT dept.

on the second day, we do what we come here for. at first, we visited the field HR to do some briefing about the socialization. after that we go to maintenance dept, the nearest department that will be using this new application. at lunch time, we go to finance dept to eat the infamous manadonese food. after tasting the food.. i feel, waw.. no wonder it is THAT famous :D with our stomach full, we visited the next target, production dept. it's still in muara badak camp so we can go there by foot.

the road to production dept. oh how i love that blue sky view xD

in the afternoon we visited nilam site. it only took an hour driving from the camp. the road is rough but i still manage to sleep on the car :P

with the rest of the team

after visiting nilam, we go back to have some rest. my roommate is going around to visit her friend all over the camp and i just watch dvds on my laptop. while i eat the leftover, there's a problem with my braces so i come to clinic. unfortunately the doctor is not there so they took me to a dental clinic outside the camp, using an ambulance.. hahahaha. unfortunately again, all the clinics are closed. so instead of went straight home, we decided to eat meatball first in bakso solo muara badak. the people inside the place are staring strangely at us when we get out of an ambulance just to eat meatball. bwahahahahahah..

on the third day, we visited PCT dept. there's a nice quotation that i see on their wall. better to lose a minute in a life than lose a life in a minute. so damn right!

after that we took a two-hour trip to semberah field. on our way there, we crave for another seafood on the beach, sluurrpp..

seafood and seafood and seafood and right now i feel sick of seafood so i choose instant noodles as a dinner on our way to balikpapan.. hahaha.

tomorrow is our last day here, and i will be graduated since i manage to visit all the sites here after we go to mutiara site the next day. oh should i really drink the water in mahakam river just so i can come back here again? xD

the sunset view in samarinda

i love this trip. a full eating pleasure, thanks to my roommate cost center, EFN200 :P

naik naik.. ke puncak gunung..

2011-10-29T00:25:00.002+07:00

galau trip

2011-10-20T20:39:00.000+07:00

Soundtrack ON: Lenka - The Show

last weekend, the three of us decided to took some galau trip around bandung. spending hours and nights just driving and listening to any galau music played on the radio has successfully made us galauer than ever. while the pilot is wondering which road he must take to avoid the traffic that the soccer fanatics made around the town, the co-pilot is concentrating hard to understand what the gps tracker trying to tell her limited brain. in the backseat, the other one is staring at the distance ahead of us while humming in every lyrics crossing his mind.

perfect. that was one of my perfect weekend. not just playing facebook or watching brothers and sisters until late at night. funny, how women tend to feel so wrecked after spending too much time alone without talking to anyone. gosh, i feel relieved i finally had the chance to really make conversation with human. but maybe it's only me who feel that way on that day, hahahaha..

revenge is sweet, but even though you can't taste your happiness while you're alive..

you know that there will be a better payback, afterlife.

you just have to wait patiently for that day to come.

i will..

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why
I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

Soundtrack OFF

facebook new looks! jaw drop

2011-10-05T13:00:00.001+07:00

Main profile, look at the timeline beside the main photo above.. what the..

I don't even remember when did I join facebook for the first time.

~facebook become the heaven on earth for us, stalkers..

the antisocial in me..

2011-10-04T23:26:00.000+07:00

after one week spending my time in Jogja, the first day i came back to work already makes me feeling frustrated. everyone everywhere seems to have full concentration on things that they had on their hands, be it their blackberry, apple or android. pheewww.

maybe i'm not into this kind of transition where your communication only based on text in virtual world. i'm trying to be one of them not so long ago, when i decided to buy android just so i won't feel lonely when everyone is busy with their phone during lunch at the cafetaria. but that thing wasn't last for long. after 9 months using the stuff, i got bored and leave it at home. then i decided to be my old self again, leaving my phone on my desk every lunch break so it won't bother me. even though i know it increased the risk of me doing nothing at the table while everybody is smiling or laughing at their phone instead of with me.

am i being too conservative? too old so i couldn't accept the fact that this is how life will go from now on? when every conversation only happened in text and images with no personal touch. i remember why i don't like wishing someone a happy birthday using e-mail. it's because they're less personal. that way i feel no intimacy at all. no smiling. no patting. no hugging. no physical interaction. so not me.

i missed those good old times. when we had lunch together at the cafetaria. everyone was bullying one another. we laughed. we gossiped. we teased. we punched. we did it all in a real world. now when all of those things i mentioned above can be done virtually, i feel sad. i feel alone. i want my friend back! hey you technology! bring me back my friends to reality! bring me back people from my world!

the power of google

2011-09-26T18:37:00.001+07:00

every time i meet with new interesting*) people, i have this habit of searching their name on google. it would be even better if they have rare name, like my new trainer here. it would make my search easier xD

but.. i have feelings that i'm not the only one who did this. you will find all traces i left in this virtual world easily because of google. so for those who search my name and google lead you to this place, i only want to say this..

NO! IT'S NOT ME WHO WRITE ALL OF THIS!

~in google we trust! #eaaaa

*) so what's interesting about my trainer? i saw the very same, exact quote on his laptop wallpaper. the one that i hold into dearly and still believe no matter how many shit happens in life :D

second place :)

2011-09-25T22:25:00.000+07:00

finally i received this, yay! my prize of being the second winner from korea tourism organization. hehehe, it's been so long since i won anything. i still remember the last time was when i won a drawing contest held by Fantasi Magazine in around 1998. the prize was a bike and i gave it to my little brother so he won't bother borrowing my bike again :D

the ultimate prize is a round trip for 2 persons to korea, including all the accommodation and some pocket money. at first i don't have any intention to join the contest because i already went there last month. but i give it another thought because there are so many places that i still want to visit. say, jeju island, everland, etc etc. besides, i already had this plan on taking my mom to have a vacation, setting her free for a while. so why don't i give it a try? i have nothing to lose either. so i went out to find a warnet and a couple minutes later i submit that short sentence about 3 places that i want to visit in korea and why.. there there.. sent, crossing fingers!

after a while, i lose hope :P okay, maybe it's not my mom's turn yet to have that vacation. fine. well, actually i kinda grumbling and blaming myself for not giving my best shot. damn! whatever, it's a worldwide contest anyway. the chance is near zero for me winning that :(

but last week i received an e-mail asking me for an address to sent the prize for the second winner. the prize is a passport case and an 8 GB USB. today my mom gave it to me while i gave her a different vacation. well, at least she still had the vacation that she wants, a week in jogja.

so jogja will be our adventure trip till next week. jogjaaa.. jogjaaaa.. *joget2 tengah jalan*

L.I.F.E.

2011-09-20T23:54:00.001+07:00

~i wish i could be this brave..

cerita si kakek dan kampak kayunya..

2011-09-13T22:36:00.001+07:00

masih ingat tentang cerita si kakek tua yang jujur dengan kampak kayunya?

si kakek tidak sengaja menjatuhkan kampak kayunya ke sungai, datang seorang.. eh sebuah.. eh se apa ya.. yah pokoknya datanglah peri membantu sang kakek mengambil kampaknya. sang peri membawakan kampak emas, sang kakek menolak dan berkata itu bukan kampaknya. sang peri membawakan kampak perak, si kakek juga geleng2 kepala. baru ketika sang peri membawakan kampak kayu, baru si kakek bilang itu kampaknya. karena kejujuran kakek ini, sang peri memberikan hadiah kepada si kakek ketiga kampak itu..

kalo dipikir2.. buset ngapain ya orang dulu bikin kampak pake emas.. tajirabisdotkom.

nah, gua merasa seperti kakek itu ketika hari ini gua balik dari kantor dan menemukan ini di depan meja..

Ketika sang hard disk kesayangan jatuh dari atas komputer dalam keadaan menyala, jantung ini rasanya berhenti berdetak dan mengutuk segala kecerobohan yang selalu gua lakukan. argh. kenapa dicolok pake kabel yang panjang.. kenapa gak yang pendek. kenapa ditaro disitu.. kenapa gak ditaro dibawah aja. kenapa sih duduknya gak tenang sampe kesenggol hard disknya.. dodol.. dodol.. dodol..

akhirnya sang hard disk dioperasi sama dokter bedah di ppsi. tapi sepertinya kerusakannya terlalu parah sampai dokter bedah yang mempunyai fixer rating tertinggi ini pun tidak sanggup untuk membetulkannya. hiks. alhasil sang hard disk pun masih tergeletak tak berdaya di meja bedah. sudah tidak bisa kembali ke wujud asalnya lagi. bahkan isinya pun sudah innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiuuunn..

untungnya ada beberapa series yang sempat gua bekap di repository. sayangnya cuma film doang :( dokumen2 lain yang justru gak bisa gua dapatkan dari icefilms.info justru gak gua bekap. errgghhh.. rasa gondoknya itu masih bersisa sampe 2-3 minggu kedepan. kalo ngeliat hard disk rasanya mau nangis. aarrghh.. data2kuuuuuu T___T

okeh, setelah dipikir2 lagi, sepertinya kejadian ini gak ada mirip2nya ya sama si kakek diatas. tapi ah ya sudahlah, namanya juga lagi seneng xD

terima kasih banyak kepada dokter bedahnya yang sudah rela meluangkan waktu untuk ngoprek2 dan entah kenapa justru ketika gagal kok dokter bedahnya yang ngebeliin hard disk baru. harusnya kan resiko di tangan pemilik ya. tapi ah sudahlah memang kalau sama dokter bedah yang satu ini dilarang untuk bertanya macam2. abis kalo nanya pasti dicuekin.

jadi gua akan tetap menganut prinsip gua, kalo dikasi rejeki itu jangan ditolak. daripada bertanya2 kenapa begini kenapa begitu, lebih baik tersenyum dan berterima kasih, ya kan?

*nimang2 si hard disk mungil baru, dengan usb 3.0 dan size 1 TB* baiklah nak, daku tak akan menyia2kanmu kali ini. kan kurawat dirimu dengan sepenuh jiwa dan raga. ~kalo ampe jatoh lagi bisa nangis guling2 gua..

between 300K and 30M

2011-09-07T21:47:00.000+07:00

today my friend was furious when she received a message from one of her friend. lately, i find out that she's angry because her friend was asking her money using the word "it's just.."

c'mon peep, it's just 300K..

that's what her friend said. maybe her friend thinks that it wouldn't be that hard for her, lending "just" that amount of money.

because of that, it reminds me of myself lately. i'm a person who will easily borrow money from a friend when i think they have enough faith in me that i'll pay them back soon i have the money. maybe it's becoming a habit for me, when i forget my wallet i'll easily ask for money. when i forget to bring money, instead of going upstairs again to get my money i'd rather ask my friend to pay first.

i know this is not a good habit. i should know my limit. because once i asked my friend to lend me money and he didn't give it to me. all i'm thinking is just, dude.. you know me, i will not run away with that money of yours! aish, that is so ungrateful of me -_-

maybe for some people, lending money even for a friend is a hard thing to do. lesson learned. i won't ask for money that easily. noted.

pfhuh.. i'm spending most of my time with those who never think money is *that* important. those who once easily lend me money more than 30M and everytime i want to give back the money, all he said was "take it easy, if you still need it you don't have to pay me back that soon". those who fearlessly (read: recklessly) put bundles of money on the table for months. those who think that if the money was stolen, it doesn't matter for him because the thief might really need it for a better use *banging my head on the wall*

well, i'm trapped in between. easily lending someone money, but easily ask someone to lend their money to me. ah, not good not good. sometimes, asking someone to lend me some money is not really about the money. sometimes it's about trust and faith.

if i give you, will you pay me back?

do i have enough trust to lend you money?

do you have enough trust to lend me money?

identity searching

2011-09-01T01:22:00.000+07:00

born in a multi-racial family, i don't know which race i belong to. patriarchally i'm a kutainese, but sadly i never set my foot on kalimantan. do i have the right to say i'm from kalimantan? my late grandmother said that i'm the 21st descendant from, well.. actually i forgot the name. his picture is hanging on my living room wall, but since i rarely went home, i totally forget the name. -_- see? i don't even remember my family history..

that's why i don't like being called by my first name. it's my family name, and calling me Adji is like calling the whole family. some of my new friends in the office asked me why put the family name as the first name? how am i supposed to know? it's already written in history. if you really want to know, you can read it here.

my friends said they like to call me Adji because it suits me better than Cynthia. well, that's their choice. i can't complain either. but nowadays i feel kinda estranged if i heard someone calling me Adji. maybe because those who always interact with me usually called me coy, cuy, jay or thankfully cyn x)

aside from that, my grandmother from my father's side is a chinese-palembangnese. when i was a child, i went there twice or three times a year. i still remember my childhood vacation in sungai gerong, near musi river. my grandfather used to take me eating serabi as a breakfast on the boat near my home.

my father was born in riau and spend most of his childhood in surabaya. my mother is a sundanese from kuningan, cirebon. my grandmother from my mother's side is a chinese-sundanese, while my grandfather is a sundanese-javanese. when i was a child, i will feel some cultural shock if i spend my holiday in kuningan earlier and continue my holiday to palembang xD

so, if someone asked me what my race is, i'd rather say i'm indonesian. i don't feel like any of the race i mentioned above, because i'm all of them. i can't choose one.

ps: i wish i can visit kalimantan, anytime soon.

dreams

2011-08-26T22:03:00.000+07:00

tonight i caught myself staring at some scenery photos in Thailand, and out of the blue i get the urge to have another vacation, alone.

maybe after i finished coping with all of this mess, well let's say in 2013, i'll have the ability to save some money again and get my dream vacation.

people said, dreaming is only a step away from making your dream come true.

Bangkok, Phuket, wait for me will you?

the power of words

2011-08-21T12:34:00.001+07:00

once when i was fed up of being a victim of any matchmaker around saying, "hey why don't you go with him, he's single", i begin to response this way.. "single, not my type". i copied the line from bond's movie every time he asked a woman and find out that she's not married. hahahaha.

i'm just joking around, really. because somehow i'm not interested in making any romance relationship, yet and i can't find a better way to stop this thing going. unfortunately some colleagues are stupid enough to repeat this line to another colleague, who doesn't know me well and might think that it is true. bah!

but, here comes the power of words. after desperately hoping that somehow a miracle is coming and i can find a man that can electrocute my heart again. a man who's available and in a great condition, mentally, physically, and financially xD here he comes, shining in my eyes and has that ability to make my heart beats every time he's around.

and to close this post, last friday i found out that he IS married.
yes, my words are coming true.

naive

2011-08-14T10:02:00.001+07:00

having or showing unaffected simplicity of nature or absence of artificiality; unsophisticated; ingenuous.
having or showing a lack of experience, judgment, or information; credulous: She's so naive she believes everything she reads. He has a very naive attitude toward politics.

i love this video. seeing them singing and dancing like that making me longing for my youth, once when i still naive. when was the last time i felt that way? trembling heart, feeling excited and blinded by such feelings, ah those good old days.

i remember, back then when i'm still an easy-to-please person. just hanging out and watching sinetron at his home, talking, laughing, eating fried noodles, playing cards with his families, and i feel loved. i feel accepted. and i'll be happy for the rest of the weekend. i think that is the very first and last time i feel like that towards someone. it's exactly 13 years ago, when i'm going on vacation and i feel so unhappy leaving that person behind. all i can do is just sitting alone in the corner, listening to the cassette he gave me on my walkman. longing for the day when i will come back and see him again. ah, so cute.

i want that feeling back! give my naive feeling back!

i hate goodbyes

2011-08-03T23:07:00.000+07:00

Soundtrack ON: Spice Girls - Goodbye

i never like goodbyes. goodbyes are scary. goodbyes are hurting. goodbyes are sad. but goodbyes means something new. a little piece of you got taken away, but that little piece someday will be fulfilled by something else.

i hate goodbyes. goodbyes mean someone finally having guts greater than mine. the guts to move away from something you already accustomed with and walk on a path you barely know. when i first set foot on my new place, everything are new and thrilling. months went by and i finally feel settled. on the way, people come and go. maybe for some of them, they're already adapt with that kind of situation. i haven't got into that state, yet. maybe someday, but not today. not now.

all i'm feeling now is just sad. i don't know which part of it that make me sad. the fact that everything will never be the same again without those who left. or the fact that being the one that got abandoned is not fun at all. or maybe the fact that i feel jealous with their courage.

i'm a person who hate changes. i know i can't run away from it, because people will always changing. but if i can choose, i'd rather stay with those i already knew, doing things that i usually did. feel prepared, and safe. ah, how i love comfort zone.

but something out there is calling.. seduced me to step on new things that i'm afraid of. ah, what to do.. what to do..

Soundtrack OFF: Spice Girls - Goodbye

antara aku kamu dan elo gue

2011-08-02T20:04:00.002+07:00

there's so many things that i want to say about you here

but in the end, i end up speechless..

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muuph eaaaa, lagi ga jelas kk ~^^

the doppelgängers..

2011-07-30T14:58:00.002+07:00

if you're a fan of how i met your mother, you might remember the last episode of season 5 when lily and marshal decided to have a baby after they finally see barney's doppelganger. what is a doppelganger actually?

at first i thought doppelgangers are just two look-alike person who are not related in anything except their looks and appearance. but when i search in the internet, actually it means more mystic and a lot scarier than i thought.

A doppelgänger (pronounced [ˈdɔpəlˌgɛŋɐ]) is a tangible double of a living person in fiction, folklore, and popular culture that typically represents evil. The word also is used to describe the sensation of having glimpsed oneself in peripheral vision, in a position where there is no chance that it could have been a reflection. Doppelgängers often are perceived as a sinister form of bilocation and generally regarded as harbingers of bad luck. In some traditions, a doppelgänger seen by a person's friends or relatives portends illness or danger, while seeing one's own doppelgänger is an omen of death.

last may, i already met one of my friend's doppelganger when i visited Seoul. i already make a post about that here, but now while i see another doppelganger of my other friend, i can't stop laughing. o my god, this is good xD

meet Ramot and his doppelganger, an actor from USA named Aziz Ansari. i hope someday they can meet when Ramot went back to USA. South Carolina and Washington are not really that far right? :P

meet Seli and her doppelganger, a girl who provide a hanbok photo service in Insa-dong, South Korea.

i'm curious, do i have doppelganger too? somewhere in this world, i want to meet her!!! :D

shopping is the best aspirin, indeed..

2011-07-29T23:41:00.000+07:00

this post is inspired by a new project, written by a college friend of mine. maybe someday she can publish a book based on this website and i'll proudly ask for her autograph in her book-signing event :D

shopping for women is like watching anime or collecting figurines for men. no matter how much time wasted for window shopping, no matter how much money wasted for unimportant things, shopping is always be our best guilty pleasure in the world. the only thing that always succeed in making me happy and forget each and every shits that happened in a day is shopping. leave me alone while i'm in a stress mode in a full-of-discount department store at the end of the month, you'll see me starving until the next paycheck is coming.

i have this stupid principle that surprisingly always succeed in making girls buy clothes that they actually don't need..

you could never intentionally buy a great dress. it can only be found when you least expected it. just buy when you found one, the chance might not come twice.

it sounds more dramatic using bahasa, like this..

baju bagus itu gak bisa dicari karena lo gak akan nemu baju bagus ketika lo butuh. jadi lebih baik lo beli ketika lo nemu, bukan ketika lo butuh.

i know it sounds stupid, really stupid. but every time that lines come out of my mouth, girls always fall into that reason. hahahaha.

girls' need differs based on their fetish upon something. some has set their eyes on watches. one girl that i knew, had like 15 watches that still in a good function and they're all not a cheap one. i personally thought what's the use of having that much watches?

another girl that i knew has a crazy impulsive buying toward heels. she has like 30 different pair of shoes that still in a great condition. once she almost buy the same shoes because she didn't realize she already bought that one. i hate heels. they're like men, expensive and painful #eaaaa..

some of my friends are a fan of fancy bags. they got like a closet full of branded bags and still want bags for their birthday present. well, i don't like spending money on bags. the most expensive bag that i bought cost me not more than 300K, and it's a backpack :P

for me, my aspirins are clothes. i love fancy but cheap clothes. the one with a big discount tag over the price :D i like changing my favorite type of clothes. once i like the masculine type of shirt. the one with a sleeve that you can roll over. and then i change those style into more feminine blouse, the see-through one that can make your skin looks brighter ~yea rite :P and then now i like dress better because they look cute in my eyes, kyaaaa..

for that reason, i have to find excuses for every single invitation that requires me to set foot in the mall after paycheck delivered to my account. malls are evil, and women are their loyal servants..

what's the point?

2011-07-23T23:35:00.000+07:00

what's the point of having cellphones if you never bring those things?
what's the point of having a smartphone if you never use it?
what's the point of being online all the time but you never checked your screen?

the temptation of selling my gsm and android phone is getting bigger. i don't need my gsm phone. it just put an additional burden on my tab. i don't need my android phone. i only used it for playing games and being online all the time? being online all the time doesn't make sure that you can contact and get response from me promptly. sometimes it's even better if you just text me. i'll respond to you as soon as i realize that i have an incoming message. that, only if i realize that i have one :P also i don't like bringing my cellphone around. i'll just turn on the silent mode and leave them all in my bag. what's the point of having them all?

the same thing goes for a boyfriend

what's the point of having a boyfriend if you don't need one?

ah, the last time me being single is like 6 years ago. at that time, nobody dares to be my matchmaker. they all know that i'm a hunter, not a prey xD but now, everybody is trying to be one and it started to feel annoying, and stupid. huff, i don't like situation like this. please let me peacefully befriended any male without the sound of cie cie :( do i have to change my status only to get rid of all this? well, okay. if you have any male candidate that only search for a status, let me know. any objection higher than a status will be rejected and blocked right away xD

and don't tell me to find a hubby. bah!

tipe2 penumpang kereta khusus wanita

2011-07-16T14:19:00.001+07:00

udah lama gak posting pake bahasa sendiri.. karena saat ini gua lagi sok2 kebanyakan pikiran yang gak penting, mari kita ngomongin orang aja daripada otak gua mulai ngelantur kemana2 xD

akhir2 ini gua selalu naik kereta karena gua baru bisa kebangun paling cepet jam 5:30 pagi. satu2nya opsi yang masuk akal supaya gak telat ngantor adalah naik kereta jam 6an dari pocin ke arah cawang. jadi deh gua resmi mendeklarasikan diri gua sebagai anak kereta walopun cuma pagi doang.

gara2 selalu naik kereta ini, gua jadi sering ketemu spesies2 langka yang biasanya hanya bisa lo dapatkan di kereta gerbong wanita. sejauh pengamatan gua, spesies2 ini bisa dikategorikan ke dalam beberapa tipe:

tipe awet muda
spesies yang termasuk tipe ini adalah mereka2 yang masih berperawakan muda padahal umur mereka bisa jadi sudah 50 tahun keatas. tipe2 ini biasanya sering berkumpul di pojokan dinding kereta menggunakan bangku lipat kecil. walaupun jelas2 ada pengumuman di dinding kereta bahwa ada larangan untuk menggunakan bangku lipat, mereka masih tetap menggunakannya. yah kalo gua sih maklum aja lah. kasian nenek2, mungkin mereka punya masalah punggung atau sendi kaki yang membuat mereka gak sanggup untuk berdiri lebih dari 10 menit.

diambil dari sini
tipe buta huruf
sebenernya tingkah laku spesies yang ini hampir mirip dengan tipe awet muda diatas, cuma bedanya ya spesies yang satu ini masih muda. sayang ya, masih muda tapi kok gak bisa baca peraturan yang ditaro gede2 nempel di dinding. padahal jalan hidup mereka masih panjang loh, kenapa ya mereka gak mau belajar baca? sayang kan cantik2 kok buta huruf. nah, satu lagi yang bikin gua heran adalah, kebanyakan dari mereka ini sepertinya orang kantoran yang seharusnya sih bisa baca. kalo di kantor gua sih, pada saat mau ngelamar kerja pasti ada tes tertulisnya dimana gua harus ngebaca pertanyaan tersebut. gak mungkin dong gua keterima kerja kalo gua gak bisa baca pertanyaannya. gua bingung, di kantor mereka2 ini apa gak dites ya? kok orang gak bisa baca masih bisa kerja disana?
tipe pembenci mata pelajaran ppkn
nah tipe yang satu ini agak2 repot. saat kereta penuh dan banyak orang gak bisa masuk atau gak bisa napas saking dempet2nya, mereka masih aja dengan santainya duduk dan menghabiskan jatah tempat yang seharusnya bisa diisi oleh 2 orang. spesies ini biasanya sih masih muda dan bisa membaca, cuma ya mungkin mereka benci banget ama guru ppkn mereka dulu. jadinya mereka gak percaya bahwa kepentingan umum itu seharusnya lebih didahulukan dari kepentingan pribadi.
tipe penyamar
tipe ini mirip2 sama tipe nomor 3, tapi yang ini lebih gawat. kalo ada orang yang ngasi tau kalo kereta udah penuh banget dan sebaiknya mereka berdiri supaya ngasih tempat buat yang lain, mereka malah jadi galak dan malah ngemarahin orang yang ngingetin itu. wah kalo tipe yang satu ini mah baiknya emang rame2 dilempar keluar dari gerbong wanita. pasti dia adalah makhluk liar yang menyamar seperti wanita. soalnya biasanya sih manusia itu punya sedikit rasa malu kalo ditegur pas berbuat salah. kalo gak punya rasa malu, yaaa.. mungkin dia bukan manusia.

kalo gua? gua termasuk yang mana?

ya walopun memang tingkah laku gua masih kurang dipoles sisi kewanitaannya, tapi seenggak2nya gua masih bertingkah laku manusiawi lah. alhamdulillah gua bisa baca. alhamdulillah gua masih dikaruniai tubuh yang sehat dan bisa tahan untuk berdiri selama 30 menit di dalam kereta. alhamdulillah gua juga tidak manja dan selalu pegangan ke tempat pegangan terdekat supaya tidak mendorong2 orang yang ada di kanan kiri depan belakang gua.

kalo lo?

if i were a boy

2011-07-09T13:23:00.000+07:00

Soundtrack ON: Beyonce - If I Were A Boy

sometimes i wonder, what if i were born as a boy?

will i be a charming jerk who easily throw my arms around the girls but they still chasing after me?
will i be a playful playboy who can do sweet-talks to all the girls but none of them can tell that i never meant it?
will i be a two-faced guy who pretend to be good outside but actually is a devil inside?
or will i be a timid guy who always stay in the corner of the room because i never had the guts to stand out in the crowd?

will i ever had the experience of loving a woman and will do anything to protect her like what i saw thousand times in the movies?
will i had the will of sacrificing my own happiness just to make the woman i loved feels happy?
or will i built an image of an innocent guy just to hide all the bad traits i had?
will i had the heart to fool a woman just to gain advantages on her?

ah, what if i were a boy? will i be good?

all i knew about being a boy is, they don't deserve a woman.
grown up.
make up your mind.
take responsibility in any choices you made.
make a mistake and learn from it.
tell the effing hurting truth.
face the reality.
and respect women.
respect them as if they are your mother. or your sister. or your daughter.

cause no matter how good you think you are, you can never be a man unless you respect a woman.

[OOT]
anyway.. why does Beyonce use were? not was?
because the word "were" only used for something that is not happening, like..
if i were your girlfriend, i'd kiss you. it means that i'm not and i'll never be one.
if i was your girlfriend, i'd kiss you. it means that i'm not but i might be one.

[/OOT]

Soundtrack OFF: Beyonce - If I Were A Boy

coincidence?

2011-06-25T22:30:00.000+07:00

last year on my birthday, i desperately need a handbag. at that moment i just have 2 handbags, the big black one and the small brown one that i had since my first year at college. so i bought myself a very first birthday gift, a cute brown lacy handbag. it still wrapped in plastic and i decided to open it later.

this year, that bag is still wrapped in a plastic because surprisingly i had so many handbag as a gift last year. the red one that is coming from my ex-workmates, the flowery one as a souvenir from a friend at her trip to hongkong, the nude one also a souvenir from a friend while she was at thailand. suddenly i have too many bags, so i haven't opened the one that i bought for myself. and finally last month, i decided to give it away as a birthday present to a friend.

this year on my birthday, me want a wristwatch! i only have that pink one coming as a birthday gift from my ex-roommate 2 years ago. again, as a birthday gift to myself, i bought a cute white wristwatch when i was on vacation to KL. and again, surprisingly, i also had a wristwatch as a birthday gift from my friends xD what a coincidence, huh. for two years in a row and i don't even mention that i want a bag or a wristwatch before.

hmm.. maybe next year, i'm wishing for an apartment.. who knows my wish become true, again x)

the fine line between dreaming and fantasizing

2011-06-22T12:04:00.000+07:00

once, my friend asked me the difference between dreaming and fantasizing. personally, i like fantasizing better. dreaming requires work and in the end it gives you hope. hope leads to a chance to get hurt.

like what happened to me earlier. i dreamt of winning some quiz at my office. the prizes are nice backpacks and i want it bad! i need backpack because i give away my previous one so i intend to win this quiz. it takes more effort for me in order to get that backpack. in the end, it gives me more hope and it breaks my heart a little when i knew i failed to do that.

that is dreaming. you still have to face the reality. in the other hand, fantasizing, is a lot easier and happier. you can fantasize anything you want with zero risk of getting hurt. with no results requires no effort. thus, leave you with no additional hope. and not hoping anything is good for my mental health xD

fantasizing something is the only option left for me when i want something or someone that i knew i'll never be able to have. sad, but true. hahahahah..

father figure

2011-06-18T21:01:00.001+07:00

after finally got the chance to watch the company men, i realized that all things that my friend said last week is actually make sense.. it's not easy to appear as a tough father figure, but it's even more difficult to appear as the opposite.

the movie successfully making me think as if i'm a sole breadwinner in the family. when everything went out of control, the breadwinner as the family leader tends to keep everything for himself. he doesn't want to appear weak and let his family member down. he won't let his partner know about anything that troubled his mind. he'll just keep thinking silently in the corner of the room with some sad face. when his partner ask him what's wrong, he'll just smile wearily and tell her that everything will be okay.

as i said to my friend before, that's just stupid. trying to handle everything on his own and not letting anybody help him, is stupid. not thoughtful, not brave, not great, but just simply stupid.

we, women, with all of our fantasies plus insecure feelings and the old habit to assume anything on worst-case state, is a perfect combination to give us a reason to feel depressed. when the partner didn't tell anything to her, it won't put her mind at peace. it'll do her worse.

when you share your problems to her, it might burden her. but if you're not telling her, it'll burden her more. just give her the chance to feel useful to you. to feel needed, to feel worthy enough to know that you want her opinion and that you can trust your problem to her. instead of wandering around with your gloomy face, share your burden. you might be surprised when you find out that your partner is not a fragile porcelain that you have to protect from anything.

so, for any father wannabe out there, please don't keep your partner in the dark. let your partner help you to be a better father figure. your partner know that you're not perfect, but she still accept you the way you are, doesn't she?

well, if she doesn't, don't worry. there's still women out there who does. like me, maybe? *wink* :P

Challenge Accepted!

2011-06-17T22:50:00.004+07:00

i always love this sentence, the one that my most favorite character in HIMYM always said every time he think that his friends think he can't do it. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

yes dear, challenge accepted. even though my very first question that i asked to my manager when he interviewed me is "you sure that there's no such thing as 'women has to wear skirt' to work here, right?" hahaha. me wearing skirt? me wearing dress? in your dream!

well yeah actually, i feel like i'm dreaming. skirt, blouse, blush on, lipstick, eye liner, mascara, things that i never use before is becoming my daily routine in the morning. heels? yes dear, still practicing here..

some guessed that i finally had a crush on someone. they thanked whoever the guy that made me all out with this go-girly thing. the truth is, i don't have one. i still had my eyes on that particular shiny manager who always go back and forth in front of my cubicle, though. but that's just it.

so you really want to hear the truth? well, i just realized that my pants cost 3x more than an average skirts. so instead of buying another pair of pants, i choose to buy 2 skirts. yes, that's the truth. not the lovey-dovey gossip that my friends made at work. and besides, they promised to call me cynthia again if i'm wearing skirt. well, here it is. challenge accepted. i'll make you getting used to the fact that i can wear skirt and behave like a normal girl :P

suudzon is my friend

2011-06-11T21:56:00.008+07:00

once upon a time, there was a friend of mine who's having a stadium IV of suudzon. this "heart" disease made her distrust people and feel low about herself. i simply told her to think positive, while i should've known better it's not that easy.

i have great friends here. stupid me, instead of feeling blessed with their presence, i only feel insecure. i have my own definition of friends. the one who always beside you whenever you need them, and the one who made you willingly stand beside them whenever they need you.

in my case, it's them who always helped me, never the opposite. they never let me help them. it's me who always depend on them. i feel useless.

then come the negative thinking. that maybe they feel i'm a bit needy. maybe they need some time on their own. sometime i didn't contact them just to make a justification that they might need me too. but whatever their responses, i always got into this stupid conclusion. they don't need me. maybe they're better off alone without me. who am i? i'm just some useless person who always take advantage on them.

so many time i feel low about myself. i feel like a bad friend. treated them meanly, even though they might not realized it. i feel like i don't deserve a friend. i started to say foul things that i don't mean. i started to do anything all by myself. i started to keep things only for me. i started to become like them.

this is not me. i don't say bad things in front of a friend. i don't keep secret from them. i don't judge them. i don't do negative thinking to them. but why am i now? i feel like crap. trying so hard to become one of them is making me hate myself.

this mask is getting heavy, so i decided to let it go. put down all the heavy burden and sign the resignation paper from the immortal clan. i don't have to be one and i know that losing them is the only thing i got if i still pushing myself to fit into them.

i want to be their friend as my own self. that way, i believe i can be a better friend.

when the right thing doesn't feel right

2011-06-10T11:50:00.004+07:00

last night, me and my friends are doing some ritual at karaoke room depok. actually we planned this since last week but it was always cancelled. yesterday, since the two of us is having the 50% discount for this particular karaoke place, we decided to go there and have some fun.

like usual, i was the first one who gets there. i went there and found no one so i went downstairs again to accompany my friends to go somewhere else. after that, come in second place, the wannabe-next-term master degree accompanied me while the others are nowhere to be found. we finally got a room and i personally asked one of the staff that i want to use the sms discount from this provider. she only said yes yes, so we booked the room for 3 hours.

we sang absurdly, starting with betharia sonata, nicky astria, gesang, yuni shara and benyamin mixed with voice-destructor song like mariah carey, linkin park, laruku and dashboard confessional. when the 3-hours up, the bill come in and ta-da! no discount, eh?

when i asked why, the staff said that the promo is starting TOMORROW. WTF dude, the promo said that it lasted until June 30th 2011, and tonight is only June 9th. my friend got angry and asked for the manager. ow ow ow.. be careful dudes, the battle begins now.

long story short, we asked for a formal letter that said that the promo begins tomorrow from this karaoke room, but they refused to make it. then after long debates between the calcutta taxi driver and the staff, we finally got the chance to speak with the manager and the provider's customer service. not only having the discount price for only two hours, we got also another 2 hours free room for the apologize. hufh.. finally we got what we deserved. why make it so hard at the first place?

gleefully, we left the place with some winning adrenaline. but when i walk home alone, i think about what will happened to the staff. who will take the blame for that? the manager? i don't think so. i feel awful if we make them suffered for things that we actually can pay even though we have the rights not to pay. this is when i do something right, but i don't feel like one. hufh.. i hope we don't do damages for them, like making one of them getting fired or worse.

hmm.. maybe i wont set foot in that place again for quite a long time, well.. say for a couple of weeks maybe? :P

the truth is..

2011-06-03T00:10:00.002+07:00

I'm a bad person. I don't deserve it. Period.

being at the bottom of food chain

2011-06-01T23:49:00.000+07:00

finally, a creature like me had the experience of being at the bottom of food chain. the one who always got bullied. karma does exist. everything you ever did will eventually come back at you. damn.

i'm not complaining for getting bullied. even though sometimes i feel bored with all the attitudes but i already have the ability to let it go. i learned to ignore any bully-attack from the best. getting bullied all the time in this past year by my troll-friends had made me stronger than ever xD

argh. why does this world revolving! i'm tired of the situation. looking forward to be the one who bullied others >:D

i'm sad

2011-05-27T12:29:00.001+07:00

this is weird. i never touch the stuff since this year, but when i finally realize it's not there anymore, i feel sad. it's like accepting that the stuff really doesn't belong to me anymore.

and then i think about my engagement again. how it badly ends. how it should affect my life. how i approach the situation. then i realized, i didn't put much thought about it. i just go on with my life like nothing happened. the truth is, i'm broken. i'm badly broken like anyone else who went through the same problem as mine. the difference is, i have bigger problems coming ahead, so i'm not concentrating to that particular problem. not until last night.

some people said that i'm like a heartless person, throwing away years of happiness that easy. they can't accept the fact that being treated this way, i'm still able to function properly. they think i should've been crying, or at least sobbing over my stupid mistakes. i've been mocked, trolled, and been the center of every rude engagement jokes ever since, but i'm not budging. i'm feeling nothing. choosing between wearing my pokerface or happy mask, i'm still going on with my life.

from this incident, i can learn something about my friends. some of them shocked. some of them cursing the thief. some of them blaming on the situation or anything that they can blame on. but only few of them asking the words that i'm longing to hear ~ "but you're okay, right? nothing happened to you?"

i'm fine, thank you for those who is asking. i'm just glad that i realized, i do still have feelings for this thing. i'm afraid i already become so inhuman that there's nothing, nothing can make me sad again. i'm afraid there is no turning back in my current state of feelings. but with this case, it's like there's a slight light of hope for me somewhere. even though it's far far away, i know it's there..

have you ever..

2011-05-24T06:57:00.002+07:00

wanna run away from everything you had in your life? start a new life, with a new name in a new environment. without nobody from your past life. without nobody who knows you at all. this topic has been in my mind for a few weeks now. the longer it stayed, the more interesting it got.

if i had the chance to do so, what would i be? where would i be?
even if i had the chance to do so, will i also had the guts?

why not?

then, suddenly i found this lyrics in my google reader entry. a post from my colleague..

Dengan Menyebut Nama Allah
Dipopulerkan oleh: Novia Kolopaking
Nada dasar: A = Do

Intro: A – E – D (2x)

A A/Ab A/Gb A/E D

Dengan menyebut nama Allah

E/B A E/Ab E-F-Gbm

Jalani hidupmu, yakinkan niatmu

E B/Eb E

Jangan pernah ragu

E A A/Ab A/Gb A/E D

Dengan menyebut nama Allah

E/B A E/Ab E-F-Gbm

Bulatkan tekadmu, menempuh nasibmu

E B/Eb E

Kemanapun menuju

Reff:

Ab Eb Db

Serahkanlah hidup dan matimu

Db Eb/Db Cm Fm

Serahkan pada Allah semata

Db Eb/Db Cm Fm

Serahkan duka gembiramu

Bb Eb Eb/F Eb/G Ab

Agar damai senantiasa hatimu

E A A/Ab A/Gb A/E D

Dengan menyebut nama Allah

E/B A E/Ab E-F-Gbm

Bulatkan tekadmu, menempuh nasibmu

E B/Eb E

Kemanapun menuju

Reff 2x

i used to make this song as my soundtrack in life every time i feel down, back then when i was still in high school. i'll keep in mind to download the song :D

what i missed from the trip

2011-05-22T18:49:00.001+07:00

today, i missed the trip when i have to cross the street. crossing the street here is like a suicidal mission. drivers here are reckless and the government didn't really care about it.

i missed the trip when i have to go to work by train. the only solution to Jakarta's traffic is going by train. but the train here sucks to the max. aside from the unreliable schedule, you have to survive people's crazy attitude. once when i was waiting for monorail, some people behind me push me to the train even though it's not that crowded. when i look at them, turns out they're talking Indonesian. what an attitude..

i missed the cleanliness and the orderliness of those cities. i missed the city lights, the clean air, and the internet connections.

Last Day - Nami Island

2011-05-22T11:01:00.006+07:00

one thing that i regret from this last day, we don't have picture of us altogether full team. it's because one of us is already left yesterday to accompany "someone" at J.W. Marriot Hotel, Kuala Lumpur. hiks, we missed her and her tripod T_T well, her tripod mainly.. ~kabooorrr

in nami island, there's a G20 Summit, Indonesia is one of the country that attend the event. there's pak beye's caricature in the banner with hangul character that i can't even read x)

welcome to nami island, an island where most korean dramas took place. to reach nami island, we took a bus from Insa-dong that costs 13000 KRW back and forth. the entrance fee to nami island is 8000 KRW. when i first saw there's an immigration gate, i started to panic. really? we have to go through immigration? i just bring my passport copy~!! turns out that it's not a real immigration -_-

today, the weather is very friendly to us, even the sun is shining bright in the sky. but still, the wind make me never take off my shawl and jacket >.< well, at least i didn't put my hoodie today :D

there are so many statues all over the place. most of the statues are about winter sonata, famous korean drama back then in 2002. bae young joon oppa, kyaaa!!!

here's us, near the lane of beautiful tree with a fantastic scenery

and this is some of us with a group of teenager's playing some game that required to take pictures together with foreigners, awwww.. we're foreigners :D

while others trying to make cute pose with any winter sonata statue, we tend to ruin the pose. surprisingly some of them starting to follow our stupid pose :D

time flies so fast, it's already past lunch time, so we headed back to the nearest restaurant. we chose an italian pizza restaurant, just want to compare how does it feel for indonesian eating italian pizza in korean restaurant -_-

this is the picture near the restaurant. Selamat datang ~!! ^^

well, fortunately the pizza doesn't taste weird. the weird thing here is just we found out that the only different item from the above pizza that costs Dikei and Diah 25000 KRW with a normal pizza that costs me, Hera and Tiwi 15000 KRW is, their pizza has leaves on it. hmm.. *garuk2*

our journey ends at 4 because at that time, the bus will go back with or without us. so, bye bye naminara republic, see you soon *crossing finger*

Third Day - Exploring Insa-dong

2011-05-22T01:38:00.003+07:00

there are unique sculptures on the wall near the exit to Insa-dong. beware of one particular ahjumma that owns a stall near the sculpture. we assume that she's a racist since she shooed us when we taking picture near the sculpture. and when some slanted-eyes coming, she gleefully welcoming them as if the sculpture is her own >_< what a sicko.

after spending two days wandering around Seoul and couldn't find more affordable souvenirs, we really depend on this last place to give us some mercy to actually buy something. thank lord for answering our prayers :) Insa-dong, we loves you!

there are gift shops everywhere that sell stuffs at more reasonable price. started from around 1000 KRW for small stuffs like key chain, around 2000 KRW for magnetic things, around 3000 KRW for some korean band's socks, around 3000 - 5000 KRW for cute pencil case or small bags, and around 4000 - 10000 KRW for korean t-shirts. the price is not fixed, so you can made a bargain here. but if you didn't want to be slapped by some ahjumma or ajusshi here, don't bargain like afgan. they might lower the price by 500 - 1000 KRW, but don't expect too much.

this is my favorite shop, the place is exactly beside Insa Art Center. make sure you bargain with the noona for a better price. this young girl who can also speak bahasa a little, knows seribu dua ribu sampai sepuluh ribu. what a warm feeling, huh, knowing that she's willing to learn our language. i'm feeling ashamed already not to be more prepared to learn hangul >.<

you can also took photo with hanbok costume here for 20000 KRW. it's quite worth the price if only the ajusshi is less scary. they have a lot of hanbok variance that you can chose plus its cute accessories. kawaii~!! ^^ and one thing that i just noticed right now is that the promotion girl really looks like my chubby friend x)

don't forget to buy some shit cookies. this kue e'e' contains delicious red bean that really looks like shit. when the shit is melting at your mouth, nyaaammm.. ugh i want to eat that shit again x)

after the journey, we went home early to get ready packing because tonight is our last night in Backpackers Korea. some of us is going to Lotte Mart again, but cinderella needs her beauty sleep for the big event tomorrow. Nami Island!

Day Two - Trip to Gyeongbokgung Palace and Myeongdong

2011-05-21T22:52:00.008+07:00

while on day first we wake up and hurried excitedly, this day we wake up lazily because of last day hangover. ugh. heard sneezing here and there and the weather still rainy outside. needs courage to step away from my warm blanket. but the show must go on, shower here i come!

gyeongbokgung palace is our first destination.

the place located at the center of the city. the entrance fee is 2400 KRW for adults. from the inside you can see skyscraper building around it. a perfect combination between traditional and modern building. inside the palace we can also try a hanbok outfit but only for 5 minutes.

there's also souvenir shop inside the building. i find interesting items here, a 3D traditional building puzzle :D

after finished playing with hanbok, we went to Myeongdong to watch Nanta Show. i'm the only one who didn't watch the show, because i'm not that interested into such play. Nanta Show is quite expensive, the tribun entrance fee costs 40000 KRW but we only had to pay 32000 KRW because of the discount given by Backpackers Korea. so instead of watching, i went to Lotte Mart to buy some Soju and Korean Wine xD

Myeongdong is an interesting place to buy cute stuff, but still not affordable for my pocket T_T fancy young Koreans everywhere, and they're all stylish.. envy them >.< some of the sales-promotion-girl here is very demanding. they give away free stuffs but once you receive it, they grab your hands and force you to come inside. scary. overall, this day two is not as exhausting as day one. well, maybe mostly because we wake up at 8 and went out of hostel around 10 :P

Seoul Trip - Day One

2011-05-21T14:09:00.026+07:00

after successfully convert our dollar to won, we go straight to Namsan Tower aka Seoul Tower. the place is not so far from Myeongdong Station, maybe around 500m. but don't get fooled by the number because it located uphill, so be sure you had your breakfast first, it's a rough path :P

if you don't have time (or money) you can also buy some fried seafood or dumpling in the street. it tastes really yummy. the price is around 2000 to 3000 KRW. at first we thought, aah it's not that expensive laaa.. but when we convert them to rupiah.. argh! *%&;*^$#%#$^@#%*)_(^%!!!!

to go there, we went downstairs to use subway. subway here is a very great transportation mode that costs only 900 KRW per trip. the train is coming every 5 minutes. the only thing that i hate about subway is only the smell of kimchi >.< oh yeah, and the stairs too. omaygoat so many damn stairs it make my leg hurts.

in our very first experience using subway, we still happily and norakly taking photos here and there. but the happiness didn't stay long because one of the ajusshi thinks that we took his picture. he started to scream and yell at us. at first we didn't notice that he's mad at us because we didn't understand any of those words that came out of his mouth. not until the other ajusshi yell back at him and at that moment we realize that he's defending us. aaww, what a sweet ajusshi, kamsahamnida ajusshi :D

the story didn't end there. they started to yell and scream, making everyone on the train looking right at us. then right after we started to move away from them, they began to fight against each other. one try to strangle the other one and they're rolling on the floor. what theee... thank god the nice ajusshi stepped away from the rude one on the next stop. one station after that, we also get out of the train, staying away from the scary creature inside.

to reach the tower from Myeongdong station, you have to take a cable car. the fare is 7500 KRW, and don't forget to prepare your camera along the way to capture Seoul from upside. it's a great view. if you want the greeny panoramic photos, you better go there at day light, but if you want to enjoy panoramic view of lights, you better be there at night. and if you go there with a boyfriend, be sure to bring locks. the bigger, the better :D

sadly we came here in daylight time. it's hard to take picture of the tower when you have to face the sunlight :( inside the tower, there's a souvenir shop. you can search for souvenir related to Seoul Tower here. but since the price is quite expensive, even a mug costs 15000 KRW, you might just want to buy something only for yourself :D

it's already past lunch time and our stomach is started growling uncontrolled. actually there's a restaurant inside the tower, but seeing the price.. we calmed down our hungry belly and decided to go down and search for food. next target, having lunch in korean's way. the food mainly cost around 5000 - 8000 KRW for a full meal set.

after that, we went to Namdaemun market. rumors said it's the cheapest market here. that's right, but sadly i didn't find any interesting clothes whatsoever. the accessories or souvenirs are quite cheap, but you can also find stuffs like that in Insa-dong with the same price.

the clock ticks to 8 while we arrived near Banpo Bridge to watch the fountain that will be on for 20 minutes at 8 pm. unfortunately the show was cancelled at that time. poor us :( so we just making an umbrella photo scene on that bridge. under the bridge, there's a romantic walk-side near the station. turns out there's a cemetery beside it. waw, even a cemetery can be romantic here x)

after the failure, we decided to go to City Hall to watch Lotus Lantern Festival. tomorrow is Buddha's birthday, so it's a holiday for all Koreans. this exhibition takes place in Cheonggyecheon Stream.

taking the subway again, then we went home finally. some crazy friends decided to continue their exploration to Dongdaemun Midnight Shopping. they said that the place is quite cheap, yeah according to Korean's wages, but not ours :( beenie's price started from 10000 KRW, cute frilly umbrellas started from 13000 KRW, and some "stylish" outfit costs around 20000 KRW. what the.........

well, i'm glad that i chose to have my goodnight sleep~! ^ ^

birthday blues no more

2011-05-21T11:59:00.003+07:00

last week on my birthday's eve, i'm having my very first birthday blues. i'm all alone on my bunk bed, crying with curtains closed, feeling lonely in the crowd. while my friends are outside having chit chat happily, i chose to be alone with my netbook and powerful wi-fi connection, trying to make a very dark and gloomy post. i'm planning to post it right when the clock struck to 12. but before it happened, i got my sense back and delete that stupid post instead.

i'm glad i did delete it. i know it's hard for me to get my old self back. my mind is already getting used to went blank all the time. many times i found myself just staring at the crowd longer than usual. not thinking, not dreaming, not fantasizing, not planning anything, just staring with a blank mind.

my friends always try to cheer me up. no use to do that dear friend. i'm not feeling sad. i'm just, well.. felt nothing. and i'm glad you would still be my friend even though i never wear my happy mask in front of you. you know, not everyone can stand a person being gloomy all the time. but i'm glad you did :P

with my girlfriends at home (above) and at work (below)

anyway, i wish myself a happy birthday now. and i wish that happiness can be my friend again.

lazy post -_-

2011-05-17T23:57:00.004+07:00

because i promised some of you to write down the itinerary and the budget for my latest trip to KL and Seoul, here it is.. my lazy post.. hope it will be somehow useful for those who read it. hoahemm..

at day first, i stayed in sunshine bedz hostel at Bukit Bintang. the place cost 30 RM each person in room for six or about 90.000 IDR per night. the place is really recommended, especially for you who likes clean environment, friendly and helpful innkeeper plus fast internet connection.

here are more links about the hostel:
in bed and breakfast rooms
in hostels.com

from LCCT airport, you can take the bus to KL Sentral for 8 RM and continue using budget taxi from there to Bukit Bintang for 20 RM. if you want to visit The Petronas Tower from there, you can just take a walk through Pavilion Mall and you can reach the KLCC Mall in around 30 minutes from the hostel. if you dislike walking, you can choose to take monorail from Bukit Bintang station to Bukit Nanas and still take a walk for around 15 minutes from the station to the tower. It will cost you 1.2 RM to go there using monorail. you can also use taxi, but i don't know the price and since you have to negotiate the price with the driver, i suggest you just take a walk from there :D

the petronas tower is closed every monday and the light will be turned off after midnight. be sure not to missed it.

the price for food is not very different from jakarta so you don't have to be worried. if you want to shop for bags or travel bags, you can go to tangs department store at pavilion. they offer you great discounted price for such good things. and don't forget to visit any vinnci store there. the discount promo was successfully making me head over heels.

the next day, we fled to Seoul. don't get tricked by the weather forecast saying it's already spring. for us, tropical creatures, the 16 degrees plus the windy wind blows made us longing for some warm hugs. brrr ~

in Seoul, we stayed in Backpackers Korea Hostel near Sinseol-dong station. from the airport, we took taxi van that cost us 15.000 KRW each person. we took two taxis to carry 8 people from Incheon Airport to the hostel. If you want to use bus, you can take airport limosine that will cost you 9.000 KRW each.

the place is a recommended place too. it is quite nice even though there are boxes everywhere inside the room. we book the room for 8 so each person has to pay 15.000 KRW each night. the host are great, very helpful, strong, and yeah.. handsome xD don't worry about your heavy or big luggage and how to bring it to the third floor. they will help you without any hesitation.

here is some tips for you when you already at Seoul.

bring foods, many many foods because the food price here is quite expensive. ramen will cost you around 3000 KRW and full meal will cost you around 5000 to 8000 KRW.
bring your own bottles to clean yourself after peeing.
don't convert everything that you want to buy from won to rupiah. you might feel hesitate and end up not buy anything there if you do, trust me.
you don't have to worry about water. tap water here is free and clean enough to drink.
looking for merchandise? go straight to insa-dong. searching for merchandise in other places will make you desperate. namdaemun is not really that cheap and the stuffs there are not really that interesting. dongdaemun will pleased your eyes, but not your pocket.
the subway is very nice, but i can't stand the kimchi smell everywhere. each trip will cost you 900 KRW. buy T-money for 2500 KRW and reload the card using vending machine. make sure you can read the subway map. it will make your life much easier.
don't take pictures of older people randomly for they might scream and fight after you. take pictures only those younger ones. they have better looks, and sometimes better attitudes.
younger people are much much more nicer than the older one, but i found two ahjussi that brighten my day because of their kindness :)
some older people are racist, especially that ahjumma near insa-dong station exit.
it's hard to find money changer. go straight to a bank, but not those in the airport.
pork is beef for them. so if you want to make sure there's no pork in your meals, just make a pig gesture like putting your finger on your nose and saying groookk groookk.. if you want to be 100% sure you won't accidentally eat pork, just eat vegetarian food or seafood. or maybe bring your own foods.
after you eat at a restaurant or food court, you have to clean up your own mess at your table and give the utensils back to the kitchen or food stall.
consumer here is not a king. sometimes they might seem rude for putting a sign like "shop with your eyes only" or "don't touch" in front of things that they want to sell.
don't forget to learn some phrase in korean. rarely people you meet will understand and able to speak english. even the police in tourist information center can't speak english. so better prepare yourself lah.

hmm.. enough for the tips, that's all i can remember tonight. i'll break down my itinerary in Seoul later. well, i hope i can find the right mood next time. hoaheeemm..

H-1..

2011-05-06T12:30:00.003+07:00

..before my very first trip going abroad. people around me are more excited than me, the one who should be happy having this vacation. but why am i not?

i haven't go to money changer,
i haven't packed,
i'm not listing things, do or don't, bring or not bring,
i'm clueless,
and i don't care.

to complete my very bad mood swing, i have this bloody runny nose. damn.
this trip was on my most wanted list last year, but last year seems so so so far away now.

Soundtrack ON: Rebecca Black - Friday

petualangan si bolang, bocah ilang, menjadi seorang nelayan

2011-05-05T12:38:00.001+07:00

passed the kawah putih and pulau seribu offer, this bocah finally got a vacation! yay! thanks for the sponsor, my former ex-colleague named mister gladly uncle, i can have this fantastic vacation for free! hahahahah.. feels good to be remembered :) even though the hangover lasts for two days, this is the best vacation i ever had.

this is our front beach. the view is really really breathtaking. i never saw a beach that beautiful with my own eyes >_< and yes i regret not bringing any additional clothes because all of my friends jump spontaneously from the boat into that beach when we arrived there. rain and storm could not hold the temptation to taste the scents of the beach, even for those who can't swim, #nomention :D

pardon the camera's limit. i don't have the SLR version of it.

this is the view from our cottage. there are wild pigs, deer, peacocks, monkeys and biawak.

we called this fish an avatar-fish, for its skin-color is so avatar alike.

who knows it tasted like chicken. thus the name, ayam-ayaman fish,

that's what the fishermen there called it.

and this is us, with pufferfish. aw, so cute! >o<

the returning trip is more hilarious. 3 hours of stormy and rainy weather, plus big waves everywhere. not to mention the toilet experience. hohohoho. i wish i have the chance to experience it one more time.

one thing that i learned from this trip. the less famous an islands is, the more beautiful they are. for they still had this beautiful coral beach that haven't touched by any irresponsible hands. lucky me, i got the chance to see it before it's deteriorating ^o^

plurk.. i'm coming back!

2011-04-24T18:03:00.001+07:00

okay i admit that i recently changed my way of placing stupid thoughts from plurk to twitter. that's only because some of my korean ganks is having discussions that one of them urge me to read the conversation. so while i'm in, i think that why don't i give it a try, again for the third time, to really use this app that i've been registered since years ago.

pfhuh.. twitter still get me the same confusing effect as the last time i checked. guess the problem is still me, not the app, because i still feel dizzy everytime i need to focus on following discussion. bah. it really is a frustating thing to do, to find the exact conversation that you need or to understood the timeline. grooookk..

so maybe i better switched again to plurk. even though most of my girlfriends are not there, i don't care. for me who got a limited tracking system in my head, plurk is still the best. i missed my emoticons when i'm using twitter. the troll face, the stupid bananas, and the okok style.

lets back to my old fashioned style. plurking for my stupid thoughts and twittering only for cyberstalking. ohohohoh..

ah, plurk.. i'm coming back!

a friend in need

2011-04-23T17:26:00.001+07:00

i often wondering, what does it take for someone to be considered as a good friend?

if they always be there for you whenever you need it, are they good friends?
if they're always helping you the best they can, should you call them your best friends?

then, if you already considered them as your best friends, do they think the same as yours?
because, maybe they're always that good to everyone and actually they don't consider you as their best friend.

i want to be a good friend so i have to learn to be one.
the one that never walks away no matter what happened.
because friends never give up on each other.

am i already become one?

breaking the record!

2011-04-22T00:04:00.001+07:00

the record for the longest time a song i kept on listening is 5 days in a row. the record was belong to Super Junior, with their song "No Other". i listened to that song day and night. when i wake up and getting dressed, on my way to work, when i went home and while i was sleeping. after that 5 days, the desire is slowly fading away.

now i have a new record, and the record belongs to Bruno Mars with the hits "Nothing On You". actually he's just featuring in this song, but i have his version where there's no B.O.B's rapping session. so the song is just he alone singing this few lyrics repeatedly for about 3 minutes with B.O.B's rapping on background..

beautiful girls all over the world, i could be chasing

but my time would be wasted, they got nothing on you, baby

nothing on you, baby

they might say hi, and i might say hey

but you shouldn't worry, about what they say

because they got nothing on you, baby

nothing on you, baby

the crazy thing is, i listened to this song for hours even while i was working. usually i can't think while i'm working and listening to a song that i like. i will end up singing and doing no progress on the work :D

this song successfully amazed me with its ability to make time flies so fast. i didn't have the chance to watch and hope for the clock to tick faster to 12 for this last 4 workdays. waw. this is one of the best week in my life. noted that last wednesday is also the best day that ever happened in my last 131 days.

i don't know when will i got bored listening to this song, since i still playing this over and over again while i'm making this unimportant post :P and better yet, this song still can make me smile without any reason at all.

butterflies.....

2011-04-18T12:53:00.003+07:00

pictures taken from here

Soundtrack ON: Bruno Mars - Nothing On You

I used to forbid every butterflies that came knocking on my stomach.
Just go, I said. You're not gonna last long here.

But today, I decided to let them in.
I'm just gonna sit down, relax, and enjoy this roller-coaster feeling.

Soundtrack OFF

weird love story

2011-04-15T12:51:00.002+07:00

Soundtrack ON: Wonder Girls - Nobody

i don't know why my life-theme recently always been about L-O-V-E. no, it's not me, it's just my surrounding. at work. at home. anywhere. even my kid seems in love. argh, the pheromone signals are everywhere. HELP! i'm trapped :(

somebody seems to play with fire. the other two seem to play hit and run. the one in the back row seems only have the guts to admire from afar, or maybe just planning to execute some strategy to get closer to the dream girl. another two seem to have a secret cross-department love. and the other another two are already plan a marriage even though they only know each other for not more than six months. pheww.

weird love story part one:

i knew this girl when she's already someone's girlfriend. when she moved to her current office now, she found that another guy is having interest on her. seeing that this guy might have a brighter future than her current boyfriend, she started to re-think about her current relationship. then she started to think that her current boyfriend is getting duller and that her office-mate is way funnier than him.

the question is: IF this office-mate doesn't seem to have brighter future, will he still be funnier?

weird love story part two:

there's this guy who always said flirty things to all human creature with boobs. no matter where or what occasion he's on, he always hitting on girls. maybe if i am normal, i might have crush on him too when he sweet-talked me. but instead of having blush all over my face, i hit back with a slight pity feeling towards him. my bet is that he had crush on one of that girl, but he didn't have the guts to show it only to her. alas, he played the playboy mask along to hide his true feeling. sad. he's just going to make that girl moving further away from him.

the question is: WHY the hell did he use that stupid mask? why did he choose to ruin it?

okay, enough weird love story for today.

Soundtrack OFF

...

2011-04-14T07:07:00.001+07:00

i think i like him..
because every morning i wake up, i hurried up only so i can see him faster.
i think i like him..
because i can grin for the rest of my day after talking to him.
i think i like him..
because i kinda get lost when i look at his eyes.
i think i like him..
because his smile melts my heart in hundred different ways every time he smiled at me.
i think i like him..
because there comes butterflies in my stomach only by seeing him from afar.
i think i like him..
because he makes me having this feeling that i never felt in recent years.

but..
maybe the real thing is..

i think i like him..
because i knew that he will never ever be mine.
and he is the safest person to have a crush on.
i think i like him..
because i won't have the heart to steal him away from his wife..

dedicated to a person out there..

yes i know, wanting something that you can't have is excitingly hurt.

but, c'mon.. wake up dude! you're playing with fire!

welcome to my life

2011-04-08T16:49:00.007+07:00

taken from my favorite site..

Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong, And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway? Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud, And no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like, When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like, To be like me
To be hurt, To feel lost, To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down, To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down, And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like, Welcome to my life..
Do you wanna be somebody else? Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more? Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate? Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies, While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like, When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like, To be like me
To be hurt, To feel lost, To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down, To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down, And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like, Welcome to my life..

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

the picture above makes my day. makes me realize how lucky i am to be alive. to be grateful for everything i had. to feel blessed for everything i had not.

thank you God for giving me all problems i had,
from there i know i'm loved..
thank you God for not giving me anything i want,
from there i learn how to control myself..
.
.
.
thank you God for giving me flaws, so i can do better.

korea, here i come..

2011-04-07T07:36:00.007+07:00

Okeh, sesuai dengan janji gua pada diri sendiri, kalo gua berhasil dapet visa maka gua akan menceritakan kronologis dan beberapa tips2 yang mungkin kelak akan berguna buat siapapun yang akan melakukan hal yang sama dengan gua..

Awalnya gua sempet berpikir buat gak ngelanjutin trip ini. Buat apa? Toh satu2nya tujuan gua beli tiket kesana udah gak ada lagi. Apalagi gua belom bikin paspor. Belom apply visa. Tambah banyak lagi duit gua yang bakal kebuang buat tujuan yang menurut gua gak penting sama sekali.

Akhirnya gua memutuskan buat taruhan aja. Gua akan apply paspor dan visa dengan ongkos seminimal mungkin, jadi kalo gagal ya udah mungkin emang gua gak ditakdirkan buat ngelanjutin keinginan gua kesana. Hahahah. Salah satu cara buat mengerem biaya adalah dengan tidak menggunakan calo sama sekali. So, let the journey begin, alone..

Apply Paspor

Karena gedung imigrasi jakarta selatan sedang dibangun, maka kantor pindah ke daerah dekat2 cilandak town square situ. Kalo berangkat dari depok, gua ngelewatin 3x lampu merah sebelum siap2 buat ngeliatin kantor berdinding putih di sebelah kiri jalan persis setelah pangkalan bus lorena.

Hal2 yang harus diperhatikan adalah:

Kalo mau cuma 1x datang ke kantor imigrasi, pastikan lo udah isi permohonan online di www.imigrasi.go.id. Cukup susah juga buat isi paspor online disini karena sepertinya koneksi harus cepet banget. Pengalaman gua sih pake internet kantor selalu gagal. Akhirnya gua minta tolong temen gua buat sekalian daftarin gua. Dan sepertinya website ini gak kompatibel di Firefox, gunakan Internet Explorer aja. Dari pendaftaran ini lo dapat bukti daftar yang harus lo masukkin di berkas yang akan lo serahkan ke imigrasi. Dengan begitu lo langsung bisa foto hari itu juga tanpa harus kembali kesana besoknya.
Kalo lo bawa motor, datanglah sepagi mungkin. Pengalaman gua datang jam 5:30 pagi, itu udah antrian ke-3. Dan sekitar jam 6:30, udah gak ada lagi tempat duduk kosong buat nunggu. Temen gua dateng sekitar jam 7, dia antrian ke-38. Pastikan lo udah meletakkan berkas dokumen di deket alat buat ngambil nomor antrian. Alat itu gak akan nyala sampe jam 8, jadi mau lo dateng jam 5 pagi kalo lo gak naro berkas di situ, sama aja lo ngantri dari jam 8. Harusnya sih lo taro berkas disitu dengan map khusus dari kantor imigrasi, tapi sediakan aja map biasa buat naro berkas dokumen terlebih dahulu. Nanti ketika tempat fotokopi udah buka, lo beli mapnya seharga 5rb rupiah dan ganti segera map lama lo dengan map baru tanpa mengubah posisi antrian dokumen yang sudah ada. Kalo posisi antrian lo dibawah 5, lo bisa selesai sebelum makan siang dimulai karena lo bisa cepet antri buat foto. Kalo posisi antrian lo diatas 30, siap2 aja buat pulang dulu karena bisa dapet antrian fotonya nanti jam 8 malam.
Sediakan semua dokumen ASLI. Ketidaklengkapan dokumen berakibat fatal pada rencana lo untuk hanya menghabiskan waktu 1 hari di kantor imigrasi.
Setelah nama lo dipanggil, serahkan berkas dokumen di loket 1, lo bakal dapat selembaran formulir buat ngantri di loket berikutnya. Di loket berikutnya, dokumen lo akan diperiksa dan lo akan diberi kuitansi buat bayar. Setelah itu lo antri buat bayar sebelum ke lantai atas buat antri foto. Kalo lo posisi pertama, lo akan melalui proses ini tidak lebih dari sejam. Kalo lo bukan di posisi awal, lo baru bisa antri buat foto sekitar 3 jam kemudian. Itu artinya, antrian foto orang2 yang kemarin udah nyerahin berkas udah panjang banget.
Antri foto dan wawancara adalah hal paling lama yang akan lo lakukan. Kalo lo sendirian, mending bawa laptop buat nonton film. Kalo nomor antrian foto lo bedanya sekitar 60an, mending lo jalan2 trus makan trus nonton dulu di citos dan datang lagi sekitar jam 4 sore. Kalo nomor antrian lo bedanya 100an, mending lo pulang, tidur, beres2 rumah, cuci baju, nyetrika dan balik lagi kesana sekitar jam 7 malam. Sebaiknya sih jangan poto malem2 deh. Mau dandan kaya gimana juga muka lo bakal terlihat bête dan kusam dan ngantuk.
Selesai foto dan wawancara, selamat! Pengambilan paspor bisa dilakukan sekitar seminggu hari kerja. Bisa diwakilkan pula. Jadi lo cukup ambil ijin kantor sehari doang buat melakukan ini semua. Gampang kan. Hanya keluar uang 260rb plus transport plus 50rb kalo lo makan di burger king plus 25rb kalo lo nonton di 21. Plus 100rb kalo lo beli celana diskonan di matahari. Hahahahah.

Apply Visa

Apply visa ini adalah step paling membingungkan, karena dokumen yang diserahkan itu ya suka2 elo aja. Dan masalah diterima atau enggak, itu tergantung kelengkapan dokumen lo. Kalo lo ditolak, duit lo yang udah dikeluarkan, gak akan balik lagi. Menyeramkan! Ini adalah list dokumen yang gua serahkan pas gua apply visa ke Kedutaan Besar Korea Selatan.

Paspor Asli -- ini bakalan ditahan selama proses 3 hari kerja.
Surat sponsor dari kantor dalam bahasa inggris yang menyatakan bahwa kita adalah pegawai disana dan sudah diberi ijin untuk cuti ke korea pada tanggal sekian sampai sekian.
Pas foto 1 lembar ukuran 3.5x4.5 dengan latar putih. Bisa juga ukuran 4x6 tapi ntar kegedean di formulirnya.
Fotokopi rekening koran selama 3 bulan terakhir.
Print tiket dan itinerary dari rencana jalan2 lo selama disana.
Surat undangan dari seseorang yang bisa dihubungi disana. Cantumin scan paspor dan kartu alien dari orang tersebut.
Fotokopi KK, KTP, NPWP, Buku Rekening, Paspor, Surat Deposito.

List dokumen bisa berbeda2 loh. Alhamdulillah gua bisa lolos hanya dengan dokumen tersebut. Mungkin karena gua punya surat undangan dari orang yang saat ini sedang menetap disana. Soalnya gua gak pake Surat Keterangan Bank yang konon harus ada. Kenapa gua gak pake surat itu? Karena mahal! Kampret, 250rb kalo bikin di BNI Wisma Mulia. Ogah.

Selain itu, dokumen gua juga lumayan jelek kalo dilihat dari rekening korannya. Ada loncatan duit dari suatu tempat dengan jumlah yang cukup gede diakhir bulan. Secara nominal duit gua di tabungan selalu cuma 5 digit mendekati tanggal 20 setiap bulannya. Jadi ketika tiba2 ada lebih dari 30 juta tepat 3 hari sebelum gua apply visa, aneh sekali kelihatannya.

Btw, apply visa sangat mudah untuk dilakukan sendiri tanpa travel agent. Lumayan 100rb buat makan burger king 2x. Lagian gak lama kok prosesnya, gak nyampe 1 jam udah kelar. Kedubes KorSel itu ada di Plaza Office Tower samping Plaza Indonesia di Thamrin. Siapin duit 270rb, kasih berkas dokumen dan lo akan dapat tanda terima buat pengambilan visa. Sebelum lo ambil, ada baiknya telepon dulu ke nomor yang ada di tanda bukti itu lewat dari jam 11 siang. Pengambilan visa bisa dilakukan jam 2-4 siang.

Alhamdulillah visa sudah disetujui. Uang yang dikeluarkan juga bisa ditekan seminimal mungkin. Lagian, udah tau bokek pake maksain ke luar negeri segala. Dasar!

#liar

2011-04-06T06:13:00.002+07:00

The secret to getting away with lying is believing with all your heart. That goes for lying to yourself, even more so than lying to another. - Criminal Minds. Season 6, Episodes 18

and now, the line between me lying to myself and me hoping for something that doesn't exist is just a thin air. i can't define which one is the real thing and which is the dream one. sadly, i don't have the passion to figure it out, so this time i let this thing passed by. i just don't care.

wait, am i lying again now?

being a racist

2011-04-02T17:43:00.000+07:00

raised in a mixed-race family, i understand that race do determine people's behavior. i have four races run in my blood, and so have my parents. even my grandparents too are coming from different races. my family is what i called gado-gado, because we don't belong to only one race. while i was young, i always got confused if teacher ask me where do i come from. i don't know.

all i do know is, if you say that it's rude to judge people's personality from their race, you're right. but still, it's also not untrue that race does give influence in one's traits. even when i was a child, i have preferences when i was playing with my nieces or nephews. something like, nieces from here is playing fair with this game, or nephews from there is only fun while we're playing those games. it's in our blood to have preferences like that.

maybe that is why people sometimes choose their lifetime partner based on their race. javanese might prefer javanese and padangnese might prefer padangnese also. even though they're not closing their choice only for those who has the same race as theirs, but they might have more tendencies to do so.

people that came from the same race usually share the same principle, the same way or vision of life. if you spend most of your life with only one race, you might find it difficult to understand other's race thoughts. that's what happened with me once i got introduced to new family member from different race that i haven't get used to.

anyway pardon me of saying this, i kinda lost while making this post because of this stupid cityville.

back to the topic, what do i want to say here? oh ya.. i once being a racist. it might sounds unfair, but i got the opposite way. while others are having tendencies to fall with those coming from the same race, i prefer not to. please note here, that i'm not closing my choice back then. it's just, well.. i find it exhaustingly fun to learn about other's race.

i don't understand why.. people sometimes being too persistent to spend their whole life time with someone so similar like them, uhm, racially.

life, part 2.0

2011-03-21T19:26:00.000+07:00

so this is how it feels to have a big brother. wait, no.. big brothers. the ones with big mouths that always shower you with wise words. and me, being their little brat always find a way to argue with them. refuse to believe anything they told me or simply made a joke out of it even though i know every single thing they said is right. being around them makes me feel not like a grown up, well maybe it's because i haven't really been one.

not until today i realized that they become more and more like a family to me. i know that what they're up to is always for my good, even though it's not always in a nice way. but at least they're here. they're real. and they're something that i can hold on to. not forever, but at least for now when i need it the most.

maybe that's actually why i have the guts to make decision to this further step. knowing that there will be someone who got my back. someone i can lean on.

i don't know until yesterday when he told me straight forward that he thinks of me as part of his family. ouch. that is the sweetest thing someone ever told me. and hearing this coming out from him, i know it's not just sweet talks.

so, i'm welcoming my new "old life" back and say goodbye to pleasures in the world. let's tighten up the belt, for the better future. yay! i realize this is crazy. this will be a hell of 3 years ahead for me, but i know i can make it. and for you, i know that i can always count on you. but i really appreaciate your offering without me ask first. i do hope that i will not need your help. but it gave me big relieves, knowing your support.

and for my partner in this craziness, ganbatte! we'll be together again in another year and a half. yatta!

R.I.P.
ChocoNutt and Blended Green Tea Latte
Unlimited access to Frestea Jasmine or Nu Green Tea Honey
Macha Hop Hop Bubble Drink
Double Whopper with extra cheese and onion
Impulsive Shopping Spree

laringitis

2011-03-16T12:36:00.003+07:00

pernah gak sih lo jaman2 sd dahulu kala, ketika temen lo ada yang gak bisa ngomong gara2 sakit tenggorokan, trus lo ledekin dia terus2an eh besoknya justru elo yang kena? well, kalo gua sih sering. sering ngeledekin trus ketularan, maksudnya :D

hal ini masih menjadi perdebatan di hati gua sampe sekarang #eaaaa. apakah ada alasan medis dibalik itu semua atau apakah itu hanya kebetulan belaka. atau parahnya lagi, itu merupakan karma dari Tuhan berkat doa sang teman yang telah dizolimi? wallahu alam.

udah beberapa minggu ini gua dan temen kantor gua bergantian gak bisa ngomong. pertama2 gua yang gak ada suara. terus pas suara gua balik, eh dia malah yang jadi gak ada suara. nah sekarang ini kita berdua malah sama2 lagi bersuara seksi sambil sedikit mendesah serak2 basah gitu deh. sangat menjengkelkan.

sebenernya sih gua fine2 aja, karena suara gua semenjak kejadian ituh emang sepertinya gak bisa balik ke suara gua yang merdu lagi. gua gak masalah dengan hal tersebut karena yah seenggaknya sedikit menghalau para pencari bakat lagu dangdut yang dulu pernah tertarik sama suara eike *plak* lagi pula kata emaknya temen gua, suara gua justru bagus agak serak2 basah gitu.. jadi mirip reza artamevia katanya *gubrak* tetapi hal ini jadi masalah besar karena gak cuma suara gua yang kena, tapi gua juga jadi kesulitan menelan. gua? kesulitan menelan? akh, this is nightmare!

nah mumpung ada asuransi, manja dikit ke dokter boleh lah ya. sakit tenggorokan aja gua minta dianterin ke rumah sakit, masuk ugd pulak. ahahahah. usut punya usut ternyata gua bukan sakit tenggorokan biasa, tapi kena laringitis. untungnya hapalan biologi gua masih sedikit ada yang nyangkut di otak, jadi gua ngerti kalo laring gua yang kena. nah loh apa itu laring? itu loh yang dipake pampir buat ngisep darah korbannya (doh)

gua ngerasa penyakit gua kali ini tergolong serius karena doi punya nama itis2 yang kayaknya kebarat2an gitu deh. makanya gua malemnya langsung iseng nanya mbah gugel.. nah terjawablah rasa penasaran yang tersimpan di dalam hati dan tak pernah bisa pergi selama belasan tahun terakhir ini..

apakah hilangnya suara itu menular dan sulit dihindari?

mari kita masuk ke area yang agak seriusan dikid..

laringitis itu bisa terjadi karena banyak hal.. terlalu banyak mengeluarkan suara yang high-pitched kayak kalo lagi karokean lagu vindicated atau lagu2nya bon jopi yang kebanyakan teriak2nya.. atau bisa juga karena ada infeksi pernapasan seperti bronkhitis atau asma akibat kebanyakan minum alkohol atau ngerokok.. bisa karena alergi pada makanan atau debu atau asap yang nyebabin batuk atau pilek.. bisa karena infeksi akibat gangguan bakteri.. bisa juga karena penyakit yang namanya acid reflux disease. penyakit ini yang bikin orang sering ekhem ekhem karena ada lendir yang nyangkut ditenggorokannya. kalo sering di-ekhem2in, laringnya bisa meradang dan bengkak jadi kena laringitis deh..

kalo gara2 penyakit ini, lo kudu ati2.. bisa jadi kena kanker loh.. kantong kering.. apalagi kalo gak punya asuransi, bisa tambah kering aja tuh kantong!

laringitis ini sebenernya gak nular.. gua juga bingung sih gimana caranya suara ilang kok bisa nular.. kesannya mistis bener. eh ternyata kalo gangguannya disebabkan karena infeksi bakteri, ini bisa nular ke orang2 deket dia..

btw, laringitis gua karena apa ya? kok gua gak nanya sih.. odong..

intermezzo

2011-03-12T23:21:00.003+07:00

it's been a while since i actively talk english to others regularly. since i quit teaching english in 2004, i still got the chance to practice my english twice a week when i teach some high school expatriates until 2006. but since then? nope. never. no practicing at all. never met or talk to native again, and my english begin to deteriorate. fortunately, now in my current office i got the chance to do it again, yay!

to write in english is so much different than to speak in one. my teaching fellow once said, in speaking, all you gotta do is be confident and don't think about the grammar. cause when people talks, they will hardly notice your grammar correctness. but if you hesitate or think too long, that's what they notice. so, don't be afraid to speak. just speak speak and speak. the rest will follow.

nah, write in english is where you need your grammar skill for. if people ask me where do i learn to write in english, well i got them from reading a lot of english books. like harry potter, i read all of them in english version. not because the translation sucks, no. harry potter's translation is really good, but some of the feelings are still missing when you don't read the original copy.

i love to watch movies or listen to music in english. i like to pay attention to whatever the characters are saying or whatever lyric that the singers are singing. that's where i learn some slang that used in conversation. i love slang and i often used it. i prone to made mistakes, but i don't care and i keep on practicing. sometimes my english-nazi friend is come along the way to point out my mistakes and i grateful for them. the point is, DO mistakes, and you'll learn from it. if you don't do mistakes, that means you're not learning.

anywaaaaayyy.. i got this cool websites yesterday. i haven't browse it thoroughly, but i will sum up some common mistakes that i often find, or i haven't know about it yet.

Advanced vs Advance

Advance: Duluan, like in: I pay in advance.
Advanced: Rumit, Canggih, like in: This device is an advanced one.

Lose vs Loose

Lose: Kalah, like in: I lose the game.
Loose: Longgar, like in: Your shirt is too loose.

E.g and I.e

e.g. stands for exempli gratia that means "for example".
i.e. stands for id est that means "that is".

i always thought that i.e stands for in example. ahahahahah. wrong wrong wrong.

Fiance vs Fiancée

Your fiance is the man you plan to marry; your fiancee (or fiancée) is the woman you plan to marry.

~stop sneering!

Farther vs Further

Farther: lebih jauh jaraknya, like in: My home is farther than hers.
Further: lebih lama atau lanjut, like in: For further addition, please see enclosed details.

Envious vs Jealousy

You are envious of what others have that you lack. Jealousy, on the other hand, involves wanting to hold on to what you do have. You can be jealous of your boyfriend’s attraction to other women, but you’re envious of your boyfriend’s CD collection.

The Overused Words, like: Incredible, Fantastic, Fabulous, Wonderful, Terrific, etc.

The other day I heard a film reviewer praise a director because he created “incredible characters,” which would literally mean unbelievable characters. What the reviewer meant to say, of course, was precisely the opposite: characters so lifelike as to seem like real people. Intensifiers and superlatives tend to get worn down quickly through overuse and become almost meaningless, but it is wise to be aware of their root meanings so that you don’t unintentionally utter absurdities. “Fantastic” means “as in a fantasy” just as “fabulous” means “as in a fable.” A “wonderful” sight should make you pause in wonder. Some of these words are worn down beyond redemption, however. For instance, who now expects a “terrific” sight to terrify? And the most overused of all these words—“awesome”—now rarely conveys a sense of awe. Like “incredible,” “literally” has been so overused as a sort of vague intensifier that it is in danger of losing its literal meaning. It should be used to distinguish between a figurative and a literal meaning of a phrase. It should not be used as a synonym for “actually” or “really.” Don’t say of someone that he “literally blew up” unless he swallowed a stick of dynamite.

Yeah, maybe not only our people do lebay things. they do too :D

Devil

2011-03-10T13:01:00.003+07:00

is one sick movie, yet a hilarious one. at first i just want to watch some dark gloomy movies and my choice goes to Devil. i rarely blog about movies right after i watched it, but this one is an exception. in the beginning, i think it's just an ordinary movie with a bit of suspense here and there. i'm glad that i watched it until the end, because it was really unexpected and it got me deep. ouch.

the movie is telling about karma. one word that keeps me away from doing something bad to others. one word that keeps me away from getting revenge on anyone who hurts me bad. i believe in karma. i know there is no karma in Islam, but it doesn't keep me from believing it. karma is never mentioned in Qur'an or Hadits, but there is one surah said that there is a payback to everything, good or bad.

Karena itu barangsiapa yang mengerjakan kebaikan meski seberat debu, dia pasti akan melihatnya. Dan barangsiapa yang mengerjakan kejahatan meski seberat atom pun, dia pasti akan melihat (balasan) nya pula” (Q.S. Al Zalzalah: 7 & 8).

i know i did bad to others too. some of them i even can't forgive myself to it. some i know, some i don't know. some i did it intentionally, some i did it unintentionally. some i don't know that i'm wrong, but when i know, i keep on going and never tell the other one that i was the one who's been wrong all this time. i know someday i want to tell that, but i still don't have the courage. this movie wanna make me get down on my knees and say sorry to everyone that i know i once hurted.

i'm afraid there's a payback awaits for me somewhere to every sin that i commit before. even though i know, if there is a way i can pay all this while i'm alive and being forgiven afterward, i chose to have the karma now. because afterlife, well, it's a long long journey that everyone will take. i hope i will be ready when the time comes. amin.

kalo rejeki ya gak kemana..

2011-03-09T07:45:00.000+07:00

i'm a person who believe that every single creature in this world has their own rizq, their own fortune. if one rizq is being taken away, another one is on the way coming to replace it. don't be afraid that you'll be out of luck someday. it's just a phase where your rizq is just on the way to reach you, just keep praying and be patient.

what i don't understand is, there exist a human being who try to steal away other's rizq. it's like they didn't approve if others receive more fortune than them. like yesterday, i almost late for work because some people think that they have the rights to force others leaving their rizq. they forbid my bus to take passengers at the usual place because it will reduce their tips from others. wtf dude. who are they anyway? they're not cops. they're not people from governance. they're not even people from nearby environment. they're just some thugs who think that they have more power than others. sick!

argh, feels like i want to punch them straight in their face seeing them viciously shooed away my bus in front of me. get a real job, dude. grown up!

to appreciate and be appreciated

2011-03-06T15:05:00.001+07:00

i loved both of them. i don't have any hesitation to give compliment to something that amused me. even a simple new clothes that make the person who wear it looks more cute or charming, i will say that straight-forwardly. if i like their new bags or stuffs, i will say that too. well, i guess it is really that easy for me to compliment on something.

it's not that i just said nice things so people would like me. no. when i said that i like something, i do really like it. but sometimes i compliment on someone that doing something good but actually they doesn't really amuse me. i do it only when the moment is right, like when they really need that confidence boost.

for example, my thirteen year old boy is doing quite slow in maths. but i always compliment him for every single problem that he solved on his own, even though i know that any second year in junior high should know how to answer that problem. it's not like i'm lying or something, but i do know that appreciation will make someone struggle harder for something.

same thing goes for me. like when i played badminton with my colleagues, one of them said nice thing to me. i smiled and said thank you. i don't know whether he really meant that appreciation or he's just trying to be nice, but i don't care. i appreciate that kind of gesture, so when i paired up with him, i did my best and he satisfied with how i played. we win, then. it doesn't mean that if he didn't say nice thing to me, we'll lose. no. it's just with that, i enjoy the play more. because i know that my partner appreciate me, i rarely made mistakes.

this thing also applied when i started to learn how to swim again. when the instructor learn how to encourage me with appreciation in every single little unimportant step that i made, i have more confidence to swim. i even have the courage to swim without him nearby. so i guess, this appreciation thing works for me in both ways. so why afraid to have more appreciation in life?

it's all about adjustment

2011-03-03T18:38:00.000+07:00

so, i got stabbed by my own words.

damn.

last night i complained a lot about this particular friend. actually i want to hate this person so much by behaving that way. i don't understand why OH MY DEAR GOD WHY that silly little "problem" has affecting him so much. i don't even think that it's a problem. i even considered it as an opportunity that he just TOO scared to take a leap at it. he's just being stupid, that's all. and yeah, i hate him when all that he did is just whining whining whining and whining over some unimportant stuffs just because he had to face that "problem" again.

then yes, i got stabbed by the exact words that i said before when he confronted my problem..

"dood, every person has a different approach in solving their own problems. for you, my problem is not significant enough, while for me it is something that i have to take care of. and your problem? well for me, your problem is not a problem at all. so the point is, i'm not like you and you're not like me. jangan samakan gua dengan elo!"

ouch. really right back at you honey!

well, actually this problem doesn't end there. i feel guilty hating him that way. i know it's very me, making one weakness appeared to ruined all the previous kindness. huff, yes there's just too much weakness in me that i have to fix. why can't i adjust with others? why it always have to be me and me and me? i'm one self-centered bitch :(

huks, while all i think is just.. that i'm kind enough to spare him that night by not confronting him :(

he deserves more than that. people around me deserves more than that. i'm the one who need to make a change. huhuhuhu.. *nangis di pojokan*

energy meter

2011-02-24T06:45:00.000+07:00

normally, people have an energy meter to measure how much activity they can do in a day. if you wake up at 4:30 am and go to work full day, you will feel tired at 9 pm when you arrive at home. the last energy that you can spend is only to boil some water and bathe with it before go to bed. some might just take a cold water bathing because they don't have the energy even to boil the water.

well, i guess i'm not that normal people. maybe that is why i got sick easily. a friend of mine said that my energy meter has been broken. i don't know how much energy left in me to estimate when i should have some sleep. i can spend my day working, play badminton for two hours after that, go home and say yes to a 3-hours karaoke invitation while i should wake up again at 4:30 the next day. crazy.

this never been a problem when i still work at depok. but since i move to my current working place in jakarta and be a commuter, i know i should pay more attention to this thing. pollution. smoke. traffic. perfect. plus i still have another things to do after work, twice a week. if i want to keep up with this, i know there has to be a change.

this past few days i've been trying to eliminate this stupid habit. i force my eyes to close before midnight even though i think i still have the energy to continue watching dexter or playing cityville. i know it's not much, but i guess it's a stepping stone for me. i hope this small stepping stone will lead to a bigger one. and maybe someday somehow i can force myself some sleep not more than 10 pm at night. yeah i wish.

my energy meter might be broken, but i still have the ability to recognize right from wrong. and taking care of my own body is one of them. i hope by writing this, i can be consistent about this changing. hahahah. amin!

weekend of doing nothing

2011-02-20T20:28:00.000+07:00

last saturday me and my friends do the ritual at inul again. this time, it's my treat. a trade for something priceless. a lot cheaper than spending money on 3-hours karaoke. a week of peacefulness. so, a week from now is gonna be my free free free time, for joy and no harass doing. ahahahah.

after that, i spent this weekend with dexter at my campus. i just finished one whole season of it and can't wait to start the next season. yeah, that and played cityville too. thank you for my ex-roommate, now i have a reason to start opening my facebook again. to play cityville, yay!

so what's in it for me this weekend spending a night at my campus again? actually, other than craving for more bandwith playing cityville, i just don't want to be alone at my room and letting my mind wandering around like a psycho while i continuosly watching dexter. it's dangerous. hahahah. that also because one of my friend said something to me last saturday that made me think. again.

at this moment, i don't like thinking. it's exhausting. it's easier to leave my mind went blank. i think, then i hurt. so i better stop thinking and continue my life the way it was. no making decision. no making action. it's more peaceful to me that way.

talking to this one particular friend is exhausting. it became even more exhausting when he trolled me and harassed me verbally. well, actually harassed is a strong word, but i felt that he is harassing my mind with his words. and it started to get annoying.

like when he said again and again that another friend of ours will make such a good husband for always having positive thoughts toward anyone. then i snapped back at him and said, for me, a positive thought is a dangerous thing to have. if you always have positive thoughts to anyone, you'll be the victim to those who are gonna used you for their pleasure only. you got used, they got what they wanted, they'll leave you shattered like a used toilet-paper thrown into a garbage.

it's not that i always have negative thoughts. well, recently maybe. but i'm not someone who always think dirts and such. what i mean is, you better be careful with life. not all human being are good. i can't afford getting tricked again, so i build my trusting-wall up so high and nobody can pass through that again. for instance, i trust my friends. i trust them will never have any intention of hurting me. but, that's all. anything higher than that, ohoho, it's a different story, dude.

then he got back to me again with words that made me shut up my continous ramblings.

do you believe in god?

wtf? why that has anything to do with me believing god?

if you believe in god, and you got fooled and tricked, then so what? that's god's plan. but if you spend all your life not believing in anyone, well that's your loss. if you believe in god, you know god will never harm you in any way. so getting tricked and getting fooled is not something to be afraid of. it's something to learn. but not believing in someone, then that IS what you have to be afraid of.

well, he made a point there. so what do i do now? argh. i hate thinking!

happy birthday!

2011-02-16T00:56:00.001+07:00

to me (yay)

for those who are wondering what kind of birthday present is that - since my birthday is not until may this year - well, i suggest you just to stop wondering. hahahah.

the giver said that this is the celebration of me being one step to the grown-up stage. yea rite :P actually i just want to mock him back because he doesn't stop bullying me about this birthday-thingy since february. i feel surprised that he actually bought what i asked him. ahahahah. but, since he failed to give me at the very exact date, i refused to say that this is "that" birthday present. let's just call this as my birthday present without quotes.

a big fluffy things to give me something to hug to when i'm feeling too lonely at my room is really what i need right now. and this kind of thing is good at supporting someone like me who wants to feel too lazy to connect with outer world. thanks dude! now this is me, starting to be more imo like the giver. start getting used to get lost inside my own world.

*blank*
~piiippp.. piiipppp...

*lost connection to the server, please click the refresh button*

second chance, or not?

2011-02-12T17:03:00.001+07:00

you can't judge people by their past, right? people changed. bad people can be good if they're having a second chance. and here i am now, out of my february misery, a couple days before the ultimate day that i hope someday i will have the ability to forget. listening to mymp, opening that particular site that makes me smile, and wandering my thoughts to you, so easy.

i personally believe that a person will be so much like their friends that surround them at that moment. you are what your friends are. they're good, you'll be good. they're bad, you'll be bad. they're into something, if you didn't walk away from them, you'll be into that something too.

what about family? i mean, if someone have a screwed family history, most likely they will have the tendency to fall into that screwed-up things too, right? well, that's just based on my personal experience. because no matter how hard i tried not to have the same fall, we still did. i guess, me too is having the tendency. i guess we all are.

so for two persons who are having the same tendency and almost the same history, will it be dangerous if we be friends? because, i do want you to have that second chance. and i hope, you won't make that stupid same fall again. cause based on my last experience, i can have that kind of tendency that you're having too.

[iklan] Langganan ojek citayam - depok - jakarta

2011-02-10T06:38:00.001+07:00

baru pertama kali nih naro iklan di blog. gak dibayar lagi :D

buat yang berdomisili dan/atau bekerja di daerah citayam - depok - jakarta dan membutuhkan akses ojek setiap harinya, bisa menghubungi nomor di bawah ini:

krisna : 021-91801589

doi adalah ojek panggilan yang memberikan fasilitas berlangganan dengan harga yang cukup bersaing. sebagai contoh, dari depok - gatot subroto seharga Rp.600.000,- per bulan antar jemput sampe depan pintu rumah.

motor yang digunakan cukup nyaman, honda supra fit entah keluaran taun berapa. doi pun nyetirnya cukup berhati-hati dan tidak suka ngerem mendadak. sangat talkative jadi bisa bikin gak ngantuk sepanjang perjalanan.

so anyone interested, just call him.

miscellanous

2011-02-08T06:55:00.000+07:00

actually i want to write about every single picture here into one post each, but unluckily i always forgot to transfer them from my phone. so here they are, just a quick sneak peek..

this is a picture that i want to question you all. actually this is a picture of PC on my cubicle that someday a colleague of mine said that it doesn't meet the HSE (Health, Safety and Environment) standard. it's already changed though, but i just want to make a quiz about it. WHY oh why did he say that this doesn't meet the HSE standard? those who can answer the question right can choose where do you want the treat as the prize, as long it's not going to make me real broke or force me to eat noodles three times a day :P

this is a picture of victory! hahaha. actually i'm just amazed how can it be a racket that expensive broken like this. it must be one super power guy who can make it happened :P actually i don't want to brought up the sadness again to my friend because of losing this racket. but this is one good picture. just a reminder for me to play badminton more careful next time :D

and this sweet picture is taken yesterday. when i unintentionally put a sauce on my kemplang, it just turn out to shape that way. hahahaha. i have no heart to eat that sweet shape of sauce, so i just gave it away, after i took this photo of course :D

i love taking pictures. even though i don't have the chance to make a gorgeous one using a sophisticated tools, i just love to freeze the moment with my simple hand phone camera. someday i want to have one. someday.

I LOVE YOU

2011-02-07T12:40:00.000+07:00

i did some movie marathon last saturday when i finished all movie series update that i had since last week. how i met your mother, grey's anatomy and gossip girl. not to mention already finished dexter to season 2.

all those movies got me thinking about this difference between western people and indonesian. western people mostly hard to say i love you to their boy/girlfriend. it's a taboo word that should not come out of your mouth unless you really mean it. i mean, it will push people away if you told them you love them in a wrong time and in a wrong way. it's like those word is a sign to one big step of further commitment.

while here, in indonesia people keep telling their partner that they love them even though they don't mean it AT ALL. it's a word that will make girls head over heel for boys who flowering them with that stupid L word. for me here, those word didn't mean anything at all. when those word coming out of boy's mouth, you better be careful. the chance is, he just want something from you.

and also, married western people tend to say i love you every now and then to their spouse and their children. one i love you while they wake up. one i love you while they eat breakfast. one i love you before they say goodbye to do other activities. one i love you while they're coming home. and one last i love you before they go to sleep. sweet, isn't it?

and here in indonesia, when people already married, they never do such things. i mean, not all of them never do that, but it such a rare case that exist one family who do those kind of thing. i mean, look at your family. did your parents ever declare that thing by saying i love you to each other? not just a greeting like "halo sayang" or "hello dear" but really really with a look in the eye while smiling and muttering the L word.

me myself, never see that here. NEVER. NOT EVER.

i know, this doesn't mean that they don't love each other. i know that action is better than word. but i love word. i love being told that someone is loving me while i was married to that someone. if you can do the action, why not the word follows? it's not so hard to do so, isn't it? or it is?

DAMN YOU

2011-02-01T06:54:00.001+07:00

february!

~melabil

balada pencarian tujuan-hidup..

2011-01-29T15:46:00.000+07:00

alkisah di sebuah negeri yang tidak ada pepohonan di jalan rayanya, terdapatlah 2 anak manusia yang memiliki tujuan-hidup yang sama pada pagi itu. setelah menghabiskan keringat dan memuaskan nafsu makan, akhirnya mereka memutuskan untuk memenuhi panggilan alam dengan mencari tujuan-hidup yang sudah sekian lama mereka pendam namun tak kunjung kesampaian.

anak manusia (1): eh kita mampir sebentar yuk ke situ buat liat2 tujuan-hidup kita pagi ini.. kali aja nemu..
anak manusia (2): boleh2.. SEBENTAR aja yak..
anak manusia (1): iya sebentar aja lah.. gak usah lama2.. cuma mau cari satu itu doang kok.

akhirnya kedua anak manusia itu memasuki sebuah kawasan niaga yang cukup mewah di negeri tersebut. sesampainya disana, ternyata tempat tersebut sudah menjadi lubang setan. dimana2 terlihat spanduk penggoda iman bertuliskan "HOT SALE, SHOP NOW!"

dengan mental baja dan keyakinan penuh bahwa mereka hanya akan disana SEBENTAR dan tidak akan mampir ke tempat yang lain, akhirnya mereka memberanikan diri untuk memasuki lubang setan tersebut..

...

ah.. manusia bisa merencanakan sebentar, tapi setan berkata lain..
sebentar itu pun berubah menjadi 4 jam..

...

akhirnya mereka berhasil keluar dengan selamat dari lubang setan itu.. 2 buah tujuan-hidup telah tergantikan dengan 9 buah bukan-tujuan-hidup -_-

apakah mereka menyerah sampai disitu? ternyata tidak. akhirnya mereka datang ke kawasan niaga lain dan mencoba mencarinya disana. anak manusia kedua berhasil menemukan tujuan hidupnya disana, sedangkan anak manusia pertama menemukan 2 buah bukan-tujuan-hidup yang lain.

rencananya anak pertama dan kedua besok akan mendatangi kawasan niaga lain di negeri seberang keesokan paginya. entah setan apalagi yang akan menggoda mereka disana. semoga mereka selamat dalam perjalanan esok. amin ya rabbal alamiin..

pelajaran moral hari ini: jangan masuk ke lubang setan pada saat baru gajian -_-

i don't have the heart..

2011-01-24T18:16:00.000+07:00

.. to be a reseller.. let alone be a broker -_-

once, my colleague asked me to buy him something. he already gave me money 110% the price of that stuff. i wanted to return the remainder but he refused me to do so. all day, i feel like i've been ripped him off. i'm trying to find an idea how to pay him back.

in order to ease the feeling, i bought him the case of that stuff that costs me around the remainder. i was thinking i want to give it to him for free, since it is still his money. and ah, guess what he did? he gave me another money, almost twice the price of the case -_-

feels like i want to bang my head on the wall

gejala tipes (LAGI) -_-

2011-01-19T08:44:00.003+07:00

last year i caught this disease twice. once when i was working in depok, once when i already working in my current place. the first struck really made me crying head over heels. i lost half a million because i don't have a "perfect" record attendance of that month, and another half a million to pay for the doctor and the lab.

the next one is so so. i went to RS Bunda Margonda. this hospital doesn't support my insurance, but knowing that i still got reimbursement for this didn't make me sad. i feel excited actually, cause this is the very first time i got sick and went to a hospital. hahaha. first time using a wheelchair and went to emergency room. cool. surprisingly the charge isn't really that high. maybe because i didn't check for the blood. i only paid no more than 400K IDR all in.

it's only january in this year, ladies and gentlemen. and yes, i caught another one. damn me and my eating habit. what's wrong with my body? i routinely doing exercise, i love oatmeal, i always bring an umbrella, i rarely eat gorengan, i always drink CDR or milk. well, yes i loved noodles, but i don't eat that excessively like my friend did, twice a day.

so, this time i went to RS. Mitra Keluarga Depok. actually i just want to try this new card to prove that i don't have to pay anything there. waw. previously, i was surprised by Bunda's nice service for providing me a wheelchair, while here, i'm surprised by everything. the place is sooo crowded, yet i only wait for less than an hour to got the treatment. and also the surprise came when the doctor was checking my body temperature, finding a 38.7 degrees, and ask the nurse to get me an "infus". damn. i never had one before, and yes i HATE needle very much.

after begging begging and figuratively begging like a child, saying that i will take ANYTHING instead of that needle, the doctor still won. yeaahh.. another first experience happening again. and this time, unlike the wheelchair experience, is not fun at all :( after the needle stick in my left hand for an hour and got the blood result back from the lab saying that i'm positively having a typhoid and my hemoglobin is very low, the doctor asking me whether i want to stay for the night or just being an outpatient.

i kinda want to stay for the night, considering that it's already half hour past midnight and this will also be my first experience, hahahahaha. but the doctor said, if i want to stay overnight, then she won't take off the needle and she'll gave me another IV fluids. daaaammmnnn!! NOOO, i suddenly sing Buble's song.. i wanna go hoooommmeeee...

so here i am. having a 3-days bed rest. alone at my room at last after having my mum stay for a couple of nights. no rice and spicy foods allowed. no noodles. no fun at all :(

anyway, my dad said, if i ever really have to stay overnight in a hospital, come to MMC. he said that he really wants to go there and it will make him proud if one of his family member ever got a chance to have an overnight treatment there. wkwkwk.. i guess the family that got excited over a chance to stay in hospital is only mine -_-

aku, si anak angkot..

2011-01-14T06:49:00.003+07:00

saya adalah sang pencinta angkot, murah meriah dan mudah didapatkan. dari smp saya sudah terbiasa jalan2 ke pusat jakarta sendirian menggunakan angkot. naik turun dan nemu copet di angkot bukan hal yang aneh buat saya. pernah dua kali mukul tangan copet yang lagi beraksi. pernah juga melototin copet dan ngintilin copet di bus sampe akhirnya sang copet turun. pernah nyaris kecopetan juga sampai saya harus melepaskan barang2 yang saya pegang demi tidak kecopetan. alhamdulillah sampai sekarang saya tidak sampai pernah benar2 kecopetan. semoga tidak akan pernah, amin!

tapi secinta2nya saya sama angkot, saya lebih cinta jalan kaki. selama tidak dalam kondisi mepet waktu dan cuaca kondusif, saya lebih memilih untuk jalan kaki daripada naik angkot. ke ambassador, jalan kaki. ke pasar festival, jalan kaki. ke margo city, jalan kaki. ke mal depok, jalan kaki. ke bumi wiyata, jalan kaki. dulu pun pernah pulang sekolah jalan kaki! yah jarak sekolah saya waktu itu kira2 satu setengah jam lah kalo ditempuh dengan berjalan kaki. lumayan jauh lah buat ukuran anak kelas 3 smp :D

saya tidak suka taksi. tidak suka ojek. alasannya cuma satu, mahal :P beberapa kali dulu pernah dapat "reimburse" taxi, ujung2nya duitnya tetep kepake buat bayar angkot. lumayan sisanya bisa buat beli es krim di keesokan hari :D

di kantor saya sekarang, orang2nya hobi sekali naik taksi atau naik ojek. cuma sepelemparan batu saja mereka lebih memilih untuk naik ojek. mereka justru memandang heran kalau saya menempuh jarak sepelemparan batu itu dengan jalan kaki. dan sepertinya definisi saya dan mereka mengenai jauh itu sangat berbeda. buat saya, jalan kaki yang jauh itu dari wisma mulia ke pasar festival. nah jauh itu, tapi masih bisa ditempuh dengan jalan kaki selama 30 menit. jadi menurut saya jarak dari wisma mulia ke halte busway kuningan timur atau mampang prapatan itu dekat.

buat saya, naik taksi adalah sebuah pemborosan. mengapa mengeluarkan uang 15ribu jika saya bisa mengeluarkan uang hanya 2rb saja? mengapa mengeluarkan uang 2rb kalau bisa gratis dengan jalan kaki? :P kayanya sih ini emang bawaan pelit dari orok kali ya. jadi agak2 jomplang juga saya rasanya waktu pertama kali masuk kantor ini. kemana2 semua orang naik taksi. gak ngeluh juga sih soalnya lebih sering dibayarin :D

seingat saya, saya cuma pernah 2x naik taksi sendirian. yang pertama waktu pulang dari rumah saudara, saya dibekali ongkos pulang dan dipanggilkan taksi. keluar dari komplek perumahan, saya turun dan lanjut naik angkot. besoknya saya beli komik baru, hahahaha. yang kedua kalinya yaitu saat saya pulang kemalaman. ayah saya nyuruh naik angkot dari arah senen karena saat itu sudah jam setengah satu pagi dan tidak ada angkot lagi. kalo masih ada angkot sih, ya saya naik angkot aja lah :P

pernah waktu itu saya dengan teman kerja saya hendak pergi dari kantor ke arah warung buncit. dia bilang, udah langsung naik taksi saja. tapi saya bersikukuh untuk ngajak dia naik angkot. jadi jalanlah kami ke arah tendean lewat belakang dan teman saya itu misuh2 sepanjang jalan karena kita jalan kaki sangat jauh. padahal itu rute saya tiap pulang pergi ya jalan kaki lewat situ :D

sampai sana kita naik angkot 75. sepanjang jalan dia komplain lagi misuh2 kepanasan lah. padahal masi jam 9 pagi, tidak macet dan angkot gak penuh sehingga kita dapat tempat duduk. coba saja dia rasakan naik angkot 46 dari cawang. itu baru namanya menderita. berdiri, desak2an dan macet pol! :P hahaha. sepertinya memang dunia saya masih berbeda dengan dunia kebanyakan orang di kantor ini :D

tapiiiii.. hari ini saya merasakan nikmatnya naik taksi. biasanya dari cawang naik 46, hari ini saya bergaya naik taksi dengan teman saya. sepanjang perjalanan bisa tidur pulas, tidak seperti naik angkot, desak2an sambil berdiri. ah, memang ada harga pasti ada rupa. gaya hidup seperti ini memang menyenangkan. sepertinya saya mulai tergoda untuk melakukan perpindahan gaya hidup, tapiiiii...... ah sepertinya tak usah lah. saya masih senang dengan gaya hidup luntang lantung di angkot seperti sekarang :D

jodo gak jodo..

2011-01-12T22:21:00.002+07:00

just a phone call to make this exhausted body and mind starting to write a new blog entry..

this android phone that i dream since last year seems doesn't want to be mine. always come obstacles here there and everywhere. it's like a conspiracy between the phone and the world against me.

and then my dizzy thought is lost in another stupid thoughts. this is just like me and this relationship that i am in now. yes, i can't say that i'm single since this isn't over yet, officially. but i'm not engaged either even though families forbid it and the ex-groom-wannabe said there is still a chance that i'm gonna be his destiny. what a cruel destiny, yes?

just like the relationship between me and the phone. yes i already bought that, the phone is available, but it's not mine, yet. and i can't tell the world that i'm having the phone, yet.

but unlike the first relationship. i didn't fight for it anymore. i realized that God works in every way. if God is willing to let me having the phone, i don't have to fight for it. easy, the phone will be mine. but if God isn't, no matter how hard i tried, the phone will never ever be mine..

so.. with this song playing in my mind, i let myself having a good sleep tonight..

que sera sera.. whatever will be will be..

~curhatColonganTengahMalam..

kesabaran orang itu..

2011-01-05T12:55:00.002+07:00

ada batasnya.

tapi semoga saja saya bukan orang,
jadi kesabaran saya tak terbatas..

~i'mHavingAFlatlineHere.
~needKaraoke,ASAP!

I TRUST YOU!

2011-01-04T23:38:00.002+07:00

Just got a reminiscence over this game that Joe created 7 years ago.

I TRUST YOU!
I DON'T TRUST YOU!
I DON'T CARE!

I always thought that the second word is the worst of all. Now I figured that it's better than the third. I DON'T TRUST YOU come from many causes that makes one think that he/she is not a trustful person at this time. It can changed.

While, I DON'T CARE come just from one cause. It's just simply that I DO NOT CARE.

~Parah banget lu joe, bikin game kek gini :P

here comes 2011..

2011-01-02T23:33:00.005+07:00

basi.. i know.. it's almost january 3rd and i just find the mood to write at this very moment, when i have to wake up in about 5 hours from now -_-

january 1st, i got wasted from the new year's euphoria at campus. gee, this is my very first new year's celebration here. i know it's not a big deal for me, since i went here every now and then. but it really feels different if there is an occasion like this. having fun with closest ones and got lost in nostalgic moment. singing and laughing together. and don't forget the starving moment, hahaha. one hell of a night to remember.

january 2nd, finally i can sleep at my own room because of one particular person that never wakes me up in any condition, even though i already begged -_-! i also realize, starting from now on, i got two new activities ahead. yippie. hopefully these things will cheer me up and can rerouted my thoughts from any negative feelings that i had.

the hardest thing that i learned from the last minute of the previous year is.. be happy. i need to learn, to let myself be happy. so, yes i decided to buy that phone. considering it as a new year's gift to myself after working hard for a year :)

and also, i had another nice conversation with a long lost friend back then in campus. i never really feel close with this person before, but at the last day of 2010, i begin to know him better than the last 7 years before.

having a good conversation is really giving a positive effect to my mood. me being the first daughter and him being the last son in the family is not an easy thing to do. i never realize it until now, when i heard his thoughts. i guess i'm being too hard on positioning myself as the eldest and i forgot to treat my siblings like a friend. maybe that's why i can't understand their thoughts. i think i really have to go home more often.

so, resolutions? meh, i never made one and i don't have any intention to start it now..

be happy, make everyone feel special, and go home more often is my lesson of the year :)

to buy or not to buy..

2010-12-29T08:58:00.004+07:00

if i'm buying this, this will be my first expensive thing that i buy when i don't need it. but i want it sooooo badly.. hiks.. *sesunggukan*

anyone please? willing to buy me one?

dreaming my life towards

2010-12-28T18:33:00.004+07:00

a friend of mine asked once, "what do you want to be in the future?"

i haven't thought about it yet, because for me, making my family contented is my sole priority since i was mature enough to think about life. no matter how and what i become, i just want to make them feel fulfilled.

and this friend of mine also asked me, "will you trade your dream job with a dream salary?"

yes i will. unfortunately i'm not in a position where i can choose jobs. not that i'm complaining, no. but being stuck behind the desk from 7-4 is not everyone's dream. i'm not being ungrateful here, but that question really made me think. don't you want having your dream job come true, someday?

yes, i do. someday.

another friend of mine asked too, "why are you being obsessed with money?"

sadly i'm still a person who got attracted very much to money. i mean, i'm surely willing to do (almost) anything just to earn a dollar or two. and i'm also good at managing them too (baca: pelit) hahaha. but, lately i learn how fun it is to loosen up myself a bit in spending money.

that triple questions stayed in my mind for days. but i guess, if i still stuck in my obsession towards money, i will go nowhere. like here i am now, just dreaming.

dreaming that someday i can get out of this money-craving thing. someday that i will be working this dream jobs from home and still fulfilled my family needs.

i successfully dream about it last night and i'm happy about it. dreaming is one step before making it come true. at least i do have a dream, right? hehehe. and i really hope that i can take one step closer to make my dream come true in the following year. 2011 here i come :)

DREAMS, be prepared for me as i'm starting to get closer to you now :D

what i'm afraid of..

2010-12-28T11:59:00.003+07:00

is a (peep) who thinks that oneself is not a (peep)..

never had i imagined that there is EXIST this type of (peep)

the one who knew that oneself is a (peep) but ask around to help them to appear not like a (peep).

dood, please.. if you're a (peep), accept it. don't wander around hoping everyone wouldn't think you as one.

glossary:

.peep: is a slang word to describe a person in a way that the writer swore herself not to say or write anymore.

finally, i'm going to buy it! yay ^v^

2010-12-24T11:24:00.010+07:00

I dream of having a slim portable hard disk drive since last year. The only portable hard disk drive that I have is from 4 years ago. A 80GB desktop 3.5" HDD with a portable casing. It's quite heavy but very reliable. Since my friend dropped it once to the floor but the hard disk is still working until now.

I never make a list what I want to buy if I went to Mangga Dua. I just do some window shopping here and there and buy the items if I feel that the specification and the price meet my needs. But for this one, I want to make sure that I got what I wanted, so I do some browsing before I go there.

I have five candidates for my new HDD.

1. Hitachi 2.5’’ Simple Basic 500GB

Price: Rp. 497.000

Speed: Good
Security: No Info
Shock Resistance: No Info
Height: 0.85 inches
Width: 3.25 inches
Length: 4.75 inches

This is my colleague's HDD. I recognize it from the strange USB cable that it has. I think the quality is good and the shape is quite unusual. Plus, the price is yummy :D

2. Seagate Raptor Expansion Portable 2.5’’ 500GB

Price: Rp. 551.000
Speed: Good
Security: Password Protection
Shock Resistance: No Info
Height: 0.69 inches
Width: 3.15 inches
Length: 5.56 inches

It's quite pricey because of its famous brand.

3. Toshiba + Casing DXD + Dompet 2.5” 500GB SATA

Price: Rp. 533.000

I don't find another information because I already turned off by the reviews that said it has a very very lame and slow read/write rate. Too bad, I like the design..

4. Samsung G Series 2.5’’ 500GB

Price: Rp. 530.000
Speed: Good
Security: Password Protection
Shock Resistance: Yes
Height: 0.62 inches
Width: 3.11 inches
Length: 4.38 inches
Weight: 0.138 Kg

This is the best option that I have so far. Love the design, the size, and the price. Also it has a shock resistant. Yay!

5. Buffalo 2.5” Ministation Juststore 500GB USB 2.0 Hard Drive (HD-PV500V2)

Price: Rp. 537.000
Speed: Good
Security: Password Protection
Shock Resistance: No Info
Height: 0.8 inches
Width: 3.3 inches
Length: 5 inches
Weight: 0.138 Kg

Too bad, I don't like the design. Not appealing at all -_-

Usually, things will never work out as I planned.

away from tv

2010-12-18T23:04:00.005+07:00

this is how to tell whether you're far too long, away from television..

when it comes to commercial break, you'll pay attention to television and get excited by them
when it comes to the movies, you'll simply getting busy and pick up where you left your things off.

it works for me the other way before. guess the urgency of having a television is become lesser and lesser each passing day.

a road to go through

2010-12-16T18:18:00.003+07:00

Bismillahirrahmanirrahiimm..

Ya, hari ini saya menetapkan untuk serius belajar menjadi dewasa. Gak cuma omong kosong doang. Gak cuma sekedar ingin.. ingin.. dan ingin.. Saya bersungguh-sungguh akan mencoba menjadi dewasa.

Untuk selalu berpikir dulu sebelum berkata sesuatu. Untuk menjaga sikap dan profesionalisme walaupun itu dengan sesama teman. Untuk tidak takut menangis. Untuk menyadari bahwa manusia tidak akan pernah dapat untuk hidup sendiri. Untuk selalu berpikiran positif terlebih dahulu, walau seburuk apapun orang lain memperlakukan saya.

Hmm.. banyak juga ya yang harus saya perbaiki.

Dan satu lagi yang paling penting. Untuk memaafkan orang lain tanpa orang itu harus meminta maaf, terutama memaafkan diri saya sendiri. Ya, saya harus belajar untuk bisa memaafkan diri saya sendiri.

Memaafkan diri saya yang banyak memiliki kekurangan. Memaafkan diri saya yang sering tidak bersyukur akan kelebihan yang saya miliki dan nikmat yang sudah saya terima. Memaafkan diri saya yang terkadang tidak bisa memaafkan dan melupakan kesalahan orang lain.

Hidup dengan rasa iri, benci, dan dendam itu berat. Semoga dengan adanya cobaan ini, saya bisa hidup dengan perasaan lebih lega. Dan saya jadi bisa belajar untuk lebih menerima dan berlapang dada.

Daughtry - Over You

2010-12-14T12:58:00.003+07:00

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

I'm officially single two days ago after being in an (un)surprisingly unhealthy relationship for the last 3.5 years. At first, desperate is all I felt, imagining I have to let go all of the dreams that I built up from the very scratch. That's when I realized, creature can plan all they wanted, but only The Creator knew what's best for them.

The next thing I did is letting go all of the anger inside. Tearing apart every single stuff that reminds me of us. There is no us anymore. Heck, there were never us.

After that, this empty shell is trying to figure out what to do next. Figuring out my future self without that person in it. Sadly, I can't think of any. And I start to blame all of this to every person that I knew. Every couple who failed to show me what love and commitment are. Every living creature that make me hate this particular gender. I begin to think that there are only two type belongs to this gender. The ones that are pure jerks, and the ones that don't realize yet that they're jerks.

What's the point of me being good? I'm tired being the only person that sane enough to get everything going. I really want to know how does it feel to do something bad. To lose something but not feeling like a loser at all. Once, just once, I want to do something really really bad.

Later that night, I have a very nice conversation with a friend. A friend that surprisingly changed into a different person who i can hardly recognized, in a positive term. We got a little chit chat and try to catch up things that left between us. And he made me realize one thing important that missing in my point of view towards this life.

What you think, is somehow will be what you get.

If I always perceive man as a nasty creature that only be there to wreck my already messed-up life, I will always get a wrecked man too. If I always think that there is no good men outside, then voila, only jerks who'll come to me one after another.

I just have to stand up and believe, that someone out there already prepared by God for me. One good man that has the ability to guide this labil girl for the rest of her life. To care and to be cared of. To love and to be loved.

Lesson learned. I'm happy to know that I still have friends here that are more than willing to take care of my feeling. I don't like to get pitied because of this broken relationship. Therefore, all they did is just laugh with me. Laughing my stupidity to fall for all his lies. To be blinded for so long and can't take any further action like this earlier. But I guess, better late than sorry, right?

So for you, this will be the last post that I write about you. I'm sure you'll missed me somehow. And I believe that you'll someday gonna regret the decision to get out of my life. Cause like all my friends said, it's not my loss at all. Thank you for setting me free.

And for all of my friends and college lecturers (yeah!) who participated in making my changing relationship status less dull, I thank you with all my heart and soul. 127 interactive comments in one day. Cool.

For those who supporting me via sms, e-mail or even by phone, thank you all for giving me the will to continue struggling for my life. Knowing that I'm still worth enough to get asked for :)

And also for those who always been there for me this past 9 months. Who cheer me up directly with all your emo and labil behavior. Who listen to my stupid story every now and then. Who brave enough to stand up for me and counter my labil action to destroy my future life. I can't get enough thank you.

And especially to you, who just slap me back into this beautiful world called reality, last night. Hope your wed-prep went all well. Congratulation, dear. Please do prove me wrong :)

dear me..

2010-12-09T20:07:00.002+07:00

this is the letter that i want to sent to my dearest future 5 years from now. why am i not using the FutureMe.org? because i'm so afraid that i somehow manage to find and open this letter again. then why am i still writing it down? i don't know. it's just.. well, i don't know, really..

Hi, me..

How you've been doing? Still breathing and alive, I hope. This is me, the girl that you known very well 5 years ago. The one that has suffered from some news that brought you worse than a cardiac arrest. But I guess you still had the courage to face the world, right?

It's been 5 years from now, have you find the love of your life yet? Do you find the one that you can put all of your trust into? I hope you did. I know it's a very hard thing to do because right now I just can't believe myself ever gonna find one. So you better did, okay :) Prove me wrong.

I'm just sitting here in my old room. With some rose-scented balpirik and a knitting tools, trying to finish what I've been started from last week. Wondering why I took this long just to finish one scarf, huh? I guess there's just too much stuff in my head that is ready to explode. Crying them out after this last prayer is really helping. At least, it shooed my suicidal mood beneath the rug. As if I have a rug. Haha. See, I still have the mood to joke.

Anyway, back to you girl. Here I'm picturing you already bought your dream house. A house that is not too big, with 2 bedrooms and a nice bathroom inside that is clean enough to satisfy your neat-freak attitude. A small car, enough to protect your baby girl from the cruel atmosphere outside your house. And you have succeeded in making your mother a Hajjah, yes? I believe that you can make all of my dreams above come true.

I still haven't make any decision towards my future life, yet. I guess it's better to leave the decision up to the other person, since I still don't have the mood to keep on going. But don't worry, things will get better. Time heals all wounds they say.

I also hope things will get better also for our family. If you did everything well, our little sister is on her 3rd grade in university. Pursuing her dreams for the greater good. How's mother? She's happy now, right? I believe you did the best you could for it. Give them my dearest greetings and tell them I love them.

Sincerely yours,
The-Labil-Me

it's all balanced, dear..

2010-12-07T22:11:00.002+07:00

let me open this post by saying, astaghfirullahaladziim..

this last quarter of the year gives me so much joy, so much fun, so much happiness. giving me the euphoria like i'm the luckiest person on earth. unfortunately, this bless that being given to me didn't make me closer to my creator. i'm still the same person who likes to delay my prayer time and often missed my morning prayer. shame on me.

being stupid, i got lost in this pleasure moment. until the reality strikes back again and pushed me hard, back to the stony ground. ouch.

and here i am. feel like i've been beaten to death. twice in this past two weeks by two different person that i cared so much. and now, all i feel is just empty. whatever things that you hold dearly and whatever principles that you valued so much before, become meaningless when you got nothing to fight for.

oh dear. what to do, what to do..

between a woman and a man

2010-12-02T16:00:00.001+07:00

as a person, i'm not good at positioning myself in front of others. i still have to learn a lot how to behave. that's why if i meet someone new, i keep silent and pay attention to anything. reading their expression and the "what would happen if i do this and that" thing. i'm afraid of saying something that will mislead me to a bad first impression.

but if i already got along with a person, sometimes i missed reading their expression. i better fix this soon. don't get comfortable with people that fast and please look at the condition first. hell yeah, i learned it the hard way tonight.

anyway, one colleague of mine asked me to behave more like a woman. maybe he's confused why me suddenly changed into a brutal person who likes to throw things to others (read: him). hahaha. i know, this is my weakness point too. if i feel somewhat comfortable with a person, i can hardly do a womanly behavior. maybe because i always surrounded by men, or women who also behave like men *finding a scapegoat* :P

me think that behaving like a man is very interesting. men is so so much different from women. they're not needy. they're more rational. they can joke better and they're not easily hurt from a bad jokes. they're fun to be with. if they're saying something, they meant it. they never alter their words to cover their real intention.

women might find that they can't read men. no need, love. don't get them mixed with your girlfriend. you don't have to read them like you read your girlfriend. it's easier having a boyfriend than a girlfriend, i think.

so friends, which one will you choose? me acting like a man who doesn't easily get hurt of your sadistic jokes? me who doesn't come as a needy friend? me who can take care of myself? me who can understand your adult-rated jokes? me who rarely complained about stupid things?

or will you choose me acting like a woman who you always have to handle with care?

well, i admit that sometimes one gentle moves from a friend did flatter me. here in my new environment, being treated like a woman is one new experience for me. i can say it's a very nice experience for a person who already getting used to be treated equally like a man :D

so, man or woman? i don't think the answer is important right now. i just have to try harder to behave better. well, at least i'm already at the position where i can behave like a woman, hahaha.

just a smile and the rain is gone..

2010-12-01T07:40:00.004+07:00

could hardly believe it, yeah..

that happens today, when i was in my gloomy feeling with all my darkest thought.. and there he is, smiling at me. in a very crowded mass transportation called PPD 46, he still smiled at me even though sweats covering all of his face. he's my hero today. the one who can cheer up my lousy morning. my dearest kenek, thank you sir :)

ps: have you smiled today? i have :)

what a weekend..

2010-11-30T14:51:00.005+07:00

all the hard work is being paid, finally. applause for the whole crew who make this great event happened. my very first performance on stage ended up great even though we missed some movements, we just try to ignore the missed and pretend it didn't happen :P i bet no one noticing the fault either :D

i enjoyed the process even though it left me one messy room because i don't even have time to clean it for this past 2 weeks. i guess the crew knew this, that's why i got this vacuum cleaner as a door prize. a nice one though, but it's quite big and very heavy plus i have no idea how to bring it back to depok -_-besides vacuum cleaner, there are also an ipad, ipod touch, camcorder, steam iron, toaster, juicer, home theater, folding bike and health equipment. what a prize, huh. *ngiler liat ipad*

the worst part of being the performer or the crew is, you have to be there when everybody else is still on their sweet dreams. and also you can't enjoy the whole event. i feel very sleepy back then and i don't even realize when they calling out my name to receive the prize. well, for this prize, i think i have to say thanks to the person below who stand besides me. one who pull my name out of the jar, and one who put my name inside the jar even though it was too late. i almost didn't put the door prize sheet, because of the make-up thing.

i kinda missed this, actually. the fun part when we all sing ungracefully, laugh hysterically and made jokes to every part of the script. not to mention all those free lunch and sometimes free dinner :D and here, i found my so-called identical twins. the one that i can finally reveal my true self. hahaha.

so, from first row, left to right, the bad guy 1 (and also my tango partner), tarzan, sexy witch, and cutie birdie :P
second row, puppeteer, peter pan and the tree
third row, dwarf 1, nirmala (and also sinden 1), oki, dwarf 2, and tinker bell
fourth row, bad guy 2 and super vico

this is from our last rehearsal, the one that make me almost not attending my best friend wedding. it's a scene where the sexy witch is fighting with people from the fairy land.

me working here is like a dream come true. good job, good friends, good benefits, better salary and lots of fun event. but i realize there's still a bit of envy feeling to some of my friends who got accepted permanently in my previous work place. i just have to be more grateful for everything i had. guess we just can't have them all, can we?

i give you my heart

2010-11-23T15:52:00.003+07:00

Here..

Cause it's..

Pensieve of CynChan

old town with the oldies

capek!

being good is hard..

It's Juma'ah FTW!

welcoming new year..

cinta itu, b...

happy monday everyone :)

being a tester..

kepo tingkat tinggi

just let go, dexter!

highlight of the day

hujan..

dream big

quote!

back to the root of all xD

naik naik.. ke puncak gunung..

galau trip

facebook new looks! *jaw drop*

the antisocial in me..

the power of google

second place :)

L.I.F.E.

cerita si kakek dan kampak kayunya..

between 300K and 30M

identity searching

dreams

the power of words

naive

na·ive

i hate goodbyes

antara aku kamu dan elo gue

the doppelgängers..

shopping is the best aspirin, indeed..

what's the point?

tipe2 penumpang kereta khusus wanita

if i were a boy

coincidence?

the fine line between dreaming and fantasizing

father figure

Challenge Accepted!

suudzon is my friend

when the right thing doesn't feel right

the truth is..

being at the bottom of food chain

i'm sad

have you ever..

what i missed from the trip

Last Day - Nami Island

Third Day - Exploring Insa-dong

Day Two - Trip to Gyeongbokgung Palace and Myeongdong

Seoul Trip - Day One

birthday blues no more

lazy post -_-

H-1..

petualangan si bolang, bocah ilang, menjadi seorang nelayan

plurk.. i'm coming back!

a friend in need

breaking the record!

butterflies.....

weird love story

...

welcome to my life

korea, here i come..

#liar

being a racist

life, part 2.0

laringitis

intermezzo

Devil

kalo rejeki ya gak kemana..

to appreciate and be appreciated

it's all about adjustment

energy meter

weekend of doing nothing

happy birthday!

second chance, or not?

[iklan] Langganan ojek citayam - depok - jakarta

miscellanous

I LOVE YOU

facebook new looks! jaw drop